He sighed then let his head drop back on his bed. “Fine. I liked the woman. A lot.”
“You bang her?”
He scowled, and Jagger laughed.
“Shit. You really did like her, huh?”
Embodying an angsty teen, JP shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Eloquent, brother.” Jag swayed back and forth, rubbing a hand over Kayla’s back. Her eyes began to droop.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jagger. This entire situation has been fucked up from the moment I found out I was a father. Did I like the woman? Yes. A lot. So much that I’m finding it nearly impossible to stop thinking about her. Okay. But do I know what the hell any of that means? No. Beyond that fact that it fucking hurt to find out she was lying to me, I don’t know a damn thing. I’m just trying to make it through each day without losing my mind or having someone call CPS on me.”
“Jesus, JP, why haven’t you mentioned any of this before. Brother, no one is calling CPS. You’re doing a fu—” He eyed Kayla. “Freakin’ amazing job right now.”
“Can’t stop swearing around her,” he grumbled.
Jagger chuckled. “Yeah, well, she doesn’t know what the hell you’re saying, so it’s all good.”
Sighing, JP watched his daughter fail in her attempt to fight sleep. Her cheeks were a little flushed, but he’d read that can happen with teething, along with the fussiness. “I don’t, Jag. I feel like I’m living someone else’s life right now. It’s all still so surreal.”
“I’m sure it is. Gotta say, though, I love this uncle thing. Look what a natural I am.” His teeth shone white through his beard.
“You’re like her personal teddy bear.”
“I don’t know. I’m sure it’s easy for me to say since I’m not her parent, but so far, I think it’s been damn special having a little Benson crawling around here. I know you’ve been thrown in the deep end, but you’re keeping your head above water pretty well. I’m impressed and proud of you.” He held up a hand as JP opened his mouth. “Please don’t think I’m being condescending. Lotta people wouldn’t have stepped up to the plate like you did.”
Well, shit. Normally, he’d make a joke or shy away from the heavy conversations, but he’d already changed most of his life, might as well work on his emotional maturity as well. Wasn’t often someone said they were proud of him. Felt nice. “Yeah, well, a lotta people don’t have the support I do. You guys are pretty amazing.”
“We are, aren’t we?” Jagger asked with a wink, making JP laugh. “Last thing, then I’ll go get this one ready for bed so you can have some peace. It’s like you said, this whole situation was fu—uh, fracked up from the start. So maybe cut her some slack. She lost her sister, had her niece go from living with her to across the country, and it sounds like her family is a hot mess right now. Not to minimize what you’re going through but remember you’re not the only one affected by the decisions Mary Anne made. Maybe she’s just trying to slog through it the best she can. Just like you.”
He kissed the top of Kayla’s head then nodded at JP before heading out of the room.
JP let his brother’s words sink in as he rested against the bed.
Hannah had lied. For God’s sake, her parents wanted to take his daughter away. The crazy thing was, if they’d approached him in the first few days of learning about Kayla, he might have agreed to let them raise his daughter.
Jesus. That was a sobering thought.
Would he have done it? Let someone else have custody of his baby?
The question wasn’t worth analyzing since it hadn’t happened, but maybe it proved Jagger’s words were true. They were all just trying to deal with the aftermath of Mary Anne’s choices. Even from beyond the grave, she was the puppet master making her dolls dance on the ends of strings she’d crafted.
“Fuck,” he said as his head began to pound. It wasn’t exactly fair of him to think of her that way. He couldn’t imagine receiving a terminal diagnosis in his early twenties. Chances were his poor choices would have put Mary Anne’s to shame. He could understand her not wanting to die without experiencing her greatest wish.
With a sigh, he rubbed his aching temples. He needed a shower and a few hours' sleep, in that order.
He was too tired to even grab his dick and jerk off to thoughts of Hannah, naked from the waist up in his bed, as he’d done every night since he’d kicked her out of his house.
God, he was a sick fucker. Booting her from his life then creeping on her in his mind each night. And mornings in the shower.