Take A Chance With Me (With Me in Seattle 18)

“Stop being lazy.”

I clear my throat and turn again.

“You’re too fat. Stop eating all that junk at the pub. If you weren’t fat, I might want to fuck you once in a while.”

A car with bright headlights passes, and I have to squint to see. Once it’s gone, my steering wheel starts to shake, and then…my car just dies.

“Fuck.” I lean my forehead on the steering wheel and feel my eyes welling with tears. “You just gave up the ghost, a mile from home, at three in the freaking morning?”

Resigned to walking, I gather my jacket and purse, leave a note on the dash that I’ll have it removed in the morning, and start to walk home. My already-tired feet are not happy.

Could I call someone? Sure. Anyone would come to get me, but I feel like I kind of deserve this. I’m the one who let the damn car limp along for a few years, even though I knew that it needed to either be replaced or go in for major work.

But who can afford that?

I can’t. Not right now.

“I can walk around the island,” I remind myself in the dark. “It’s not that big. And if it rains, I can catch a ride. Actually, Kane has a couple of extra cars I’m sure he’ll let me borrow until I can replace that one. It’ll be okay.”

“You’re always depending on your stupid family for help. Grow up and be your own woman.”

I hate having Joey in my head. I haven’t heard these shitty things in a long, long time. He was the meanest at home when we were alone. If he got really mad, he’d raise a hand to me but never actually slap me. Mostly he preferred to sling words about as weapons, and he loved to intimidate me. Probably because he knew the words hurt most, and if he left marks on me, my brothers would kill him.

I can’t believe I made excuses for that jerk. I brushed off their concerns and told them that everything was fine, even when it was far from that. Because I was embarrassed and because I felt stuck with Joey. Where would I go? What would I do without him? It was just easier to stay.

And then he died, and while part of me grieved, the bigger part of me was relieved.

And I felt guilty for that. That I hadn’t been strong enough to just leave him. Instead, he died, and I was off the hook.

When I discovered that he’d only left me with the few thousand dollars in our checking account and nothing else, I didn’t even care. Because I was free of him.

“You were an asshole, Joey,” I say out loud. “I don’t even have very many good memories from our marriage. Because shortly after we said I do, you were off doing God knows what with God knows who. And I was here, fending for myself.”

I walk up the front steps to my door and take a deep breath when I’m safely inside.

I don’t know, the idea of having all that money currently sitting down on that island is tempting. It would replace that bucket of rust that just gave out on me.

Considering it, I walk back to my bedroom and strip out of my clothes for that hot shower. I start the water so it can heat up and wipe the makeup off my face. I turn to step into the water and scowl.

Usually, by the time the makeup is gone, the shower is ready for me.

But there’s no steam, and when I reach my hand in, it’s still ice-cold.

“No.” I shake my head and quickly wrap a towel around me as I run to the tiny mechanical room just off the kitchen where the hot water heater resides.

It’s not making any noise.

I’m no water heater expert, but I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to make noise.

“Don’t do this to me,” I plead, but deep down, I know it’s fruitless.

It’s dead.

My car is dead.

“What else?” I ask as I pad back to the bathroom. “I hate asking my family for help. I’m almost thirty, I shouldn’t have to ask for help.”

I decide against the shower and instead take a sponge bath. I’ll need to wash my hair in the morning, but I’ll do that in the sink.

At least I can wash my jeans in cold water.

I check my pockets and pull out the key that Kane gave back to me during my shift this evening.

I hold the brushed-gold-colored key up in the light.

If what that Bill guy said is true, there’s enough money waiting for me that I could not only fix what needs fixing but put plenty away for future emergencies, too. I could even pay Kane back for the down payment on my house.

“After we got married, all you did was make me feel bad, Joey Lemon.” I sit on the edge of the bed and stare down at the key. “You told me I was worthless and made me feel that way. You humiliated me with your many girlfriends and a child that wasn’t mine.”