“Hunter,” she whispered before pressing her lips into a tight line.
“Are you honestly going to sit here and be mad at me for being with other women when you were the one who left, Bella?”
She started to speak, but then shut her mouth again. Fuck. Why wouldn’t she talk to me? I needed something. Anything.
I laughed gruffly and leaned back in the booth. “Do you know how many times I wished…I wished I could hate you?”
“What?” she asked on a whisper, blinking rapidly to keep her tears at bay.
“God, Bella…I don’t know how long I can keep waiting for you. Every time I see you and you treat me like I’m nothing special, as if we never had anything special, it feels like you’re taking another piece of me with you when you walk away. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Then, to have you get mad at me because I’ve tried to move on…” I slid my hand down my face in frustration.
Fuck. I feel so goddamn tired.
Letting out an exasperated sigh, I said, “I can’t do this anymore, Bella.”
Her brows lifted with a questioning look.
“You need to tell me the truth about why you broke up with me, and if you…if you don’t want me, you need to help me let you go. Because as hard as I try to move on from you, I can’t. I close my eyes at night and see your face, every single time. Dream of what your touch feels like. Picture you in my head when I’m having sex with another woman.”
A sob slipped free as she begged, “Please don’t say things like that, Hunter.”
Leaning toward her, I said, “Why not? You don’t want me to tell the truth, simply because you can’t do the same? Yes, I slept with other women. I’m not going to apologize for that—but not one of them meant a damn thing to me. None of them were you.”
“I’m not asking you to apologize for that.”
I felt my face pull into a frown. “Then don’t sit here and judge me, Bella. You can’t spout off those comments and make me feel like absolute shit. It’s what you did with Brighton a few months ago, and now here again.”
Her chin trembled and she looked down at her fidgeting hands. “I never meant to make you feel like that. I was just…hurt, I guess.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “You were hurt? You’re hurting? How do you think I’ve felt ever since the day you broke up with me for no goddamn reason at all? You have no idea what the last ten years have been like for me!” I was so angry, I had to fight to keep my voice low.
Her head popped up and anger filled her eyes. “You honestly think I haven’t been living in my own hell?”
I hated that her voice cracked, but it felt good to finally get our feelings out on the table. “If you won’t tell me the reasons why, I can’t have sympathy for you.”
The anger in her eyes instantly slipped away and something else I couldn’t read replaced it. Sadness? Despair? Devastation? Her entire body sagged in defeat, and I inwardly cursed myself. It looked like she was slowly retreating back behind the wall she’d put up ten years ago.
Fuck, it nearly stole my breath from my lungs, knowing my words caused whatever just happened to her. I felt like a complete asshole. This wasn’t how I wanted this conversation to go.
Bella quickly wiped away a tear and softly said, “I don’t think I, um…have an appetite anymore. If you’ll excuse me, Hunter.”
She moved so fast, I could hardly process that she’d even slid out of the booth. Grabbing her coat, Bella made for the exit as fast as she could.
I pulled out a couple of twenty-dollar bills and tossed them onto the table before I grabbed my own jacket and followed her. Tess watched as I nearly ran from the restaurant. I looked to my left and right and saw Bella turning left on Main Street. I ran to catch up with her.
“Bella, wait!”
Reaching her car, she turned to face me, and I stopped like I had run into a brick wall. Tears streamed down her face. If I’d felt like an asshole before, I really felt like one now. What in the hell was she running from? And why was she so upset?
“I can’t right now, Hunter. You’re angry…and I…I don’t want either of us to say things that…that we’ll regret.”
I took a step toward her, and she slowly shook her head. She pressed one hand to her stomach, and raised the other one up, holding me off.
“Please,” she whispered in a voice so weak it nearly brought me to my knees. “Please just let me go.”