“How did your mother feel about your father being back in your life?”
“She didn’t know. She can’t know, Dash. I don’t know why I got so infatuated with the idea of my father. He was terrible to her. He was terrible to us. He just—he convinced me he had regrets, and he said he wanted to know his daughter.”
“It’s normal to want to know your parents, both of them. They’re a part of you.”
“He’s not a part of me I want to claim.”
“You know I understand. Tell me about Brandon.”
“He wined and dined me and seemed really wonderful. Not your kind of wonderful, Dash. I never loved him. Like I said, it was the idea of him, so much so that I found out the hard way that I really didn’t know him at all.”
“What does that mean?”
“Not long after we were engaged, he’d had a bad day at the office. I was at his place and he—” I look away, my heart thrumming faster now. “He likes control and power. And I found out that meant while having sex.”
Dash catches my chin and forces me to look at him. “What does that mean, Allie?”
“It means you aren’t the first man to put a hand on my ass. I think that’s why it surprises me that I like it when you do it.”
“Did he hurt you?”
My fingers curl into my palms and my lashes lower. “Dash—”
“Allie,” he says softly, insistently. “Did he hurt you?”
CHAPTER TWELVE
I pull away from Dash and stand up, wrapping the blanket around myself, giving him my back, and forcing myself to mentally travel to that night. I rotate to face Dash, who is still sitting on the bed as if he understands I need to be in control right now. I need space to achieve that control.
“He was drinking,” I continue, “angry over a client who dropped him, and how much money he’d lose. He told me to undress. He wanted to watch. It felt very cold, kind of out of nowhere. We weren’t kissing, or even talking. In fact, we were awkward because he was so damn agitated.”
“And?” Dash prods.
“When I didn’t want to do it, he got angry. He grabbed me and shoved me against the window, and told me again to undress. I did it because I was scared. I can’t explain why, but I was scared. He’d never hurt me, but that night, I felt he was capable of such a thing.”
“So you undressed,” he assumes.
“Yes. And then he told me to get on my hands and knees.”
Dash stands up and I hold out a hand. “Wait. Just let me get it all out. I did it. I knew I had to do it.” I don’t let myself linger on the words or even hold them inside. I just spit them out. “He spanked me and not gently, then he—he fucked me. When it was over, he told me the next time I dismiss him, he’d make it hurt worse.” I laugh, but not with humor. “The next morning, he actually told me how hot that game we’d played had been.”
“Allie,” Dash says, but I cut him off.
“I’m not done, but I was done that night. I couldn’t wait to get out of his apartment. When he left for work, I didn’t call my father. I was ashamed. I didn’t even go to work. I spent the day in Central Park, just walking and thinking. That night, I called him to break up with him, but he cut me off and told me he was working before I could get the words out. I couldn’t let the relationship continue. I went to his office. I knew there were cameras and other people who would be working late. It felt safe. His secretary was gone and his door was open.”
“What happened, Allie?”
“I heard him telling someone how he could fuck me any way he wanted, literally or otherwise. Turns out, he planned to marry me to inherit my father’s money. My father knew, but my father just wanted to pry me out of my mother’s hands and keep me close. I was Brandon’s money card.”
“What did you do?”
“I walked into his office, flung the ring at him, and told him he’d better cash it in because it’s all the money he would get from me. I left then. I went to my father’s apartment. Told him I knew everything, and that I never wanted to see him or Brandon again.”
“But he keeps trying?”
“He did for a while. I thought that was over, and then he showed up in Nashville. I don’t want my mother to deal with that right now. And I suddenly know how she feels when I coddle her. I don’t want you to suddenly start thinking I’m going to freak out on you every time we get naked, Dash. I’m not.”