“That’s right around when I saw a girl named Milly for the first time since we were teenagers. She was fierce, smart, and a total knockout, and I wanted her,” I say, pressing a kiss to the underside of Milly’s jaw. “You were also enormously successful. I knew—right then, I knew—my dad would figure out a way to use that against you. You’re a Beauregard. He hates the Beauregards. You have cash, and he needed it, sorely. He would, in short, see you as a cash cow.”
Milly blinks. “So that’s why you kept your distance.”
“Yes. If I got involved with you, he’d use our relationship to bleed you dry. Wilson’s a wily fucker. He’d figure out a way to plunder your family and extort your kindness. Your generosity. He’s a master of blackmail. Intimidation too—he basically only hangs out with convicted felons and members of The Fallen Angels.”
“The motorcycle club out in Fairview?”
“Yup.”
Everything Dad touches turns to shit. Me dating Milly would allow him to touch Blue Mountain and the Beauregards.
Which meant I needed to stay away from her.
I should have stayed away from her.
Instead, I asked her brother if I could date her. I couldn’t help myself. Desperate, I forced the math to make sense. I was courting venture capital firms for the cash Dad and the distillery needed, and while I hadn’t gotten a yes yet, I felt I was close. Something had to come through. Once it did, I could pay off Dad’s debts, jump-start my plans for the distillery, and ride off into the sunset with Milly by my side. I figured if Dad had the money he needed, he just might leave the Beauregards alone.
Needless to say, it didn’t work out that way. In fact, things at home just got worse, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they spilled over into my relationship with Milly.
“But by then, I was in love,” I continue. “The kind of vicious, all-consuming love that destroys things. People. Families. Futures. It happened so fast that I was in over my head before I knew what was happening. But I didn’t know how you felt, Milly. I needed to end things because Dad’s debts were breathing down my neck, and I couldn’t risk him finding out about you and threatening you in any way. I was so fucking embarrassed. Angry too.”
Milly blinks back tears. “Nate—”
“Can I finish, baby?”
“Of course.”
“I told myself you just weren’t that into me. Made me feel like less of a prick for ghosting you. I knew I was breaking my own heart, but I had no fucking idea I was breaking yours too. When you didn’t reach out after I broke up with you, I took it as a sign.”
“A sign your interest was one-sided,” she replies, voice thick.
Now I know she was too destroyed to pick up the phone. I thoroughly and completely crushed her. But what choice did I have? By leaving, I kept her out of harm’s way. I was also able to honor my dreams for the distillery, and I could be around for Dad and Silas, who were both caught in the throes of their addiction at the time.
Doesn’t mean I wasn’t crushed too. I couldn’t sleep or eat or do much of anything except go through the motions at work. I thought about her constantly, and silently simmered with rage anytime my dad entered the room. He didn’t ask me to end things with Milly—hell, he didn’t even know we were together—but I still hated him for forcing my hand.
I hated him going on with his life as if nothing had happened. Do you realize everything I’ve given up for you? I wanted to scream at him. Don’t you appreciate how hard I’ve worked to save your sorry ass?
“A year later, we struck a deal with Noble Enterprises. They knew about our debts—Dad’s and Silas’s gambling problems too—but Dad convinced them that was all behind us. The two of them were doing well after a stint in rehab, and Dad swore up and down they’d turned a new leaf and were ready to take Kingsley Distilling to the next level. The Nobles bought it.
“Six months after that, I was engaged to Reese. Things were finally right and good in the world. At least that’s what I told myself in my moments of doubt—and there were a lot of those. But I made my bed, and I had to sleep in it. Silas came out of rehab a new man, and even Dad seemed to be behaving himself. He was proud of the work we were doing at Kingsley Distilling, proud the whiskey he’d dedicated his life to was finally getting the attention, and the accompanying revenue, it deserved. I thought I’d finally made him happy and rich enough to quit being a dickhead.”