“Yes.”
“No question.”
“Jules?” I prompt, since she hasn’t answered.
She makes a face. “If I didn’t like someone else, then yes.”
Anna and Mel show no signs of surprise at Jules’s admission. She must’ve told them she was seeing Bomi.
“Speaking of Bomi,” I begin.
“No, we were speaking of you and Yujun and your emotional constipation. Let some of it out before you explode,” Jules says in exasperation.
“That’s a stunningly bad visual.” I shudder.
“You know what? I’m not pushing anymore. If you don’t want to talk about it—”
“I was shunned last weekend,” I burst out.
Jules puts down the remote. “What do you mean?”
I tell them about the park. “This is a place where manners are important. I have to turn to the side to drink my soju when I’m sitting next to Sangki because he’s older. This girl would not bow or shake my hand but actually backed up like I had a communicable disease. She was disgusted.” I drag the last word out as if it’s ten syllables. “Yujun wants it all. He wants his friends, his family, his successful company. He wants us. I want that, too, but there seem to be a lot of people who think we’re foul. What if that kind of distaste is transferable and eventually Yujun thinks I’m icky?”
“There are bitches and assholes everywhere,” Jules said. “If Yujun wants to make it work and you want to make it work, then it will happen.”
“Do you really believe that?” Because she had stormed out of the bar when Bomi talked about the obstacles to the two of them dating.
“If you’re referring to me and Bomi, the situation is entirely different. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“That’s not true. She wants to be with you but she can’t be open about it, not with her family.”
“Would you be willing to live like that with Yujun? You’d never be able to marry him or have kids. You’d always be known as his sister, and someday he’d get tired of that and find a woman he could have a normal, ordinary life with.”
“I thought you said that if Yujun and I want to make it work then it will.”
“But Bomi doesn’t want to make it work,” Jules nearly shouts. “That’s why it’s not happening for me, but if you give up, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough. If you want to be with Yujun, then fuck everyone else. He doesn’t have younger siblings like Bomi.” Jules reaches over and grabs the songbook. “Yujun’s friend must be one of those strict traditionalists who is offended her rich friend isn’t hooking up with one of her rich friends. Anyone would be offensive to her.”
Is it as easy as Jules says? My choice is binary? To be with him or not be with him? If it is that simple, then I know what the answer is. “I want to be with Yujun.”
“Great.” She punches a number into the noraebang remote with more force than necessary and then tosses it to Mel, who, along with Anna, has been quietly watching this exchange from the sidelines.
“Oh, and about your work situation.” Jules is not done. “They are mad at you because you’re a nepotism hire. Even if you spoke fluent Korean, you’d still be Choi Wansu’s daughter and all of the good and bad that flows from it would exist. It’s not the language barrier; it’s your circumstances, and so you either do nothing and be depressed or do something.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, but if you’re miserable and you do nothing, you’re complicit in your own misery. Take some action. If it gets worse, then quit. If it gets better, keep going.”
What had Yujun told me the other night? The dragon is our most mythical creature because it is virtually indestructible. Its body is covered in scaled armor. It has claws and horns. It can fly, jump, climb, and no one can escape its wrath.
I need to be the dragon or, at least, a small lizard.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
IF Group is important to both Yujun and Wansu. So long as the company is healthy and successful, their decisions can’t really be questioned. Yujun is working his ass off and I’m at my desk conjugating verbs. There are a lot of things I don’t have control over, but my own work product is not one of them. Jules is right. Complaining about my situation does no good—not for me, not for Yujun, and not for IF Group. I resolve to change. No more passively waiting around for projects. No more allowing Soyou to hate on me for merely existing. I will contribute and be useful. Should IF Group falter, it gives Wansu more reason to be against us, but if the company is stable, then her arguments hold less water.
“What if we do a team-building exercise?” I suggest at our next weekly meeting, where Bujang-nim reviews our current projects (I have none) and sets new goals for the week.