Seoulmates (Seoul 2)

I’m numb from embarrassment. I hadn’t realized that was an actual state you could achieve, as I’ve only experienced hot flashes of embarrassment, where it burns, but there’s a point where a situation is so humiliating that you shut down as a defense mechanism. Sound is muffled, as if there’s cotton in my ears. My vision is blurry. My limbs feel like stones. My head is full of nonsense noise. That’s how full of shame I am right now.

“How dare you.” Her voice is quiet, but she is literally vibrating with anger or distress or both. “How dare you come into this place of work, engage in these activities, display yourself to all in violation of every known principle. It is not right.” Wansu is serious. “The thought of you two together”—she shudders again—“it is bulmyeong-ye.” I’m not sure what that word is, but I can guess because it sounds like she’s vomiting. “You cannot do this.” She is not saying this because it could cause a scandal and jeopardize the people here in this building but because the thought of the two of us together well and truly revolts her.

“Eomma, we were not raised together,” Yujun pleads. He’s not paralyzed by the throes of embarrassment like me. “It is not the same thing, and her name is not Choi anyway.”

“It will be.”

“Have you discussed that with Hara? Perhaps she wants to remain a Wilson.”

Wansu isn’t listening. She slashes her hand down. “Do not speak of it again. This has been deleted and the security staff have been told if they leak the footage, we will bring criminal charges against them, so none will act, but how could you?” There is genuine revulsion in her voice that I’ve never heard before. “It is not right, what the two of you are doing. You are my children. This is wrong. It is immoral and you must not ever again touch each other.”

This is why I got the weird look from the security guard. She might have paid them off, but it’s spread among some of the staff. It won’t be long until it migrates to the seventh floor, where Soyou and Chaeyoung will watch it. I want to sink into the floor.

I can’t even look at Yujun.

“Eomma,” Yujun attempts.

“Wansu,” I say at the same time.

She shakes her head sharply. “I do not want to hear it. Your excuses and explanations do not matter. It does not matter what happened before you knew you were siblings. It is now that matters. You will not see each other. Do you hear me?”

She’s not yelling, but she could be. She points a finger at her son. “You are going to be sent on another business trip. This time it will be to Los Angeles and it will be much, much longer than four weeks. And you.” She turns to me. “You will go home. You are done for the day. I will clean up your mess here.”

That’s it. We’re dismissed. She turns her back and rifles through papers on her desk, and the rejection is sharp. Yujun opens his mouth to argue, but I don’t have the stomach for it. I grab his elbow, and when he looks at me, I shake my head as well. No more, please.

He gives in and follows me out. The assistant is so well-mannered, she doesn’t even look up from her computer monitor when we pass by her desk, but she has to be curious. Or maybe she isn’t curious. Maybe she’s watching the video. I want to drop to the tile and army crawl out of the building and all the way back to Wansu’s house. All the warm feelings from last night are eradicated, and what had been a fun, sexy memory is now tainted. The whole thing has gone from quirky hijinks to sordid hookup.

“I’m sorry,” Yujun says quietly as I wait for the elevator.

“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have peeled me away with a razor.”

“I should have protected you. I knew there were cameras.”

“Forget it.” There’s no point in recriminations.

“Go home and try to put this out of your mind the best that you can. I’m going to talk with Eomma. We’ll work this out.”

“Sure.” I don’t believe him and he knows it. This is the river-park date all over again, but this time it isn’t some random girl who I will never see again. This is the woman who gave birth to me. This is my mother, and isn’t that the damned problem? How do we work this out as Yujun says?

The prospect of going back to my desk to get my purse and phone is daunting, but I manage. Wansu has conveyed some message to Bujang-nim, because as soon as I appear in our division, he jumps to his feet.

“Choi Hywejang-nim says the car is waiting. It is nothing serious?”