Lifeline

I’m so fucking sorry, JJ.

“How have you been?” she asks, her hands fisting at her sides.

I’m dying. There’s no living without you.

Somehow I manage to nod, my voice hoarse as I mutter, “I’m okay.” I swallow hard on the thickness in my throat. “You?”

My eyes settle on her mouth, refusing to go higher.

“I’ve been better,” she answers honestly.

A cold sweat breaks out over my body and feeling like a junky needing another fix, my hands start to tremble.

Then the worst thing happens, and JJ’s body slams into mine. Her arms wrap around my waist, her face planting against my chest.

My eyes close, the pain too intense, too fucking unbearable. The secrets between us are dark. It’s in every look and the very air we breathe.

“I miss you, Daniel. Please. God, please, just talk to me,” she begs, her voice filled with desperation. “I know you care, or you wouldn’t be outside my house every night.”

Wanting to give her what she needs with every fiber of my being, the words sound tortured as they leave me. “I’m so fucking sorry, JJ.”

I’m sorry I just stood there and let him violate you.

I’m sorry I hurt you in the worst possible way.

I’m sorry I’ve been stalking you because I can’t fucking stay away.

Knowing I’ve been selfishly trying to stay in her orbit and it’s hurting her, I have to get my shit together and be the strong one. It’s the least I can do for her.

Lifting my hands, I take hold of her shoulders and push her back. My jaw clenches with determination as I step around her, and with JJ’s wellbeing in mind, I walk away from her.

“O’Brien!” she shouts, panic tainting my name. When I just keep walking so I can get this over with and leave her be, she screams, “Danny!”

My steps falter. My stomach bottoms out. My fucking heart disintegrates.

Flashes of what I did to her bombard my mind. I see her body jerk as Rama fucks her, and it pushes me over the edge.

Rushing away from JJ, I hurry to Chief Cooper’s office and bite the words out, “I’m done. Consider this my resignation.” Removing my badge and gun, I drop them on his desk and leave his office, ignoring his calls for me to stop.

I keep going, blind to everything around me as I hurry to my car. My phone starts to ring, and digging the device out, I switch it off before yanking the door open and sliding behind the steering wheel.

The pressure keeps building, threatening to erupt from me at any second. I make it back to my house in record time, and rushing up the stairs, I burst into my parents' bedroom.

Everything explodes.

In an absolute rage, I sow destruction in the room that’s become my prison cell. Bottles crash against the wall. I rip the covers off the bed, flip the mattress over, yank the closets open, and rip clothes from them.

Air burns through my lungs, silent cries spilling from my pores until I’m drained, sinking to my knees.

I only catch my breath for a couple of seconds before I force myself up. Opening the vault, I take the title deed to the house out.

I need to sell everything and make sure JJ gets every last cent. Focused on the only way to make amends with JJ, I get to work, needing to get it done so I can end this hell once and for all.

Having lost track of time, my head snaps up when the front doorbell jingles through the house. I haven’t heard that sound… Christ, I can’t remember when last.

Thinking it’s either the lawyer to draw up my last will, or the agent I called to sell the house, I rush down the stairs. My eyes flick to the screen showing the security camera, and seeing JJ, I instantly freeze.

Fuck, Uncle Carl must’ve given her my address.

With the front door between us, I can’t tear my gaze away from the screen, drinking in the sight of her like the dying man I am.

The wind catches her ponytail, whipping it against her neck. She steps forward, knocking, my eyes darting to the solid wood.

Slowly I move closer until my breath warms the space between the door and me.

“O’Brien,” she calls, knocking again.

Closing my eyes, I rest my forehead against the wood. JJ.

Chapter 24

JJ

I don’t know how long I stand outside O’Brien’s house, knocking and praying he’ll open.

When night falls over the city, desperation claws at my insides. I glance up at the windows, and not seeing any lights on, I let out a sigh.

Where are you?

Before I know what I’m doing, I place my hand against the door, and leaning in, I whisper, “Please stop shutting me out. It’s killing me.”

Inhaling a shaky breath, I turn away from the house, and with numb legs, I take the stairs down and walk to my car.