His gaze shifted back to mine, clarity forming there. “That’s why you’re back.”
“Lewis once told me that, if I walked away every time Katherine wanted me to, then she won. How is this any different?”
“You’re choosing this.”
“What I’m choosing is to stop running. I want the people of the Upper East Side to stop hurting others,” I told him. “And I want you to help me. You helped build this world. You helped create the rules. And you said that you’d help me learn them.”
Penn looked skeptical. “You can’t want to actually be in this world.”
“It’s too late, Penn. I’m already in.” I kept my eyes leveled on him. My head held aloft. “You dragged me in it, and then Lewis dragged me back.”
Penn’s face only darkened further at the mention of Lewis. Or maybe at what he’d done. “This isn’t what I meant with that offer to help you.”
I huffed. “What exactly did you mean when you said you’d help me survive this world if you could?”
Penn didn’t respond immediately. He just walked toward the balcony and looked over the world he’d ruled for so long. The one he claimed he wanted to escape and yet never let their hooks out of him. The city that owned him.
“It was different then. When I thought…you and Lewis…”
“It’s not different. If I leave, they win. Again. Just like everyone else they’ve hurt and discarded.”
His words were pained when he finally answered, “I don’t want to see you on this path.”
I sighed in frustration and disgust. “It was you who put me on it,” I snapped at him. “And you’re still living it. No matter how many times you claim that you’re going to get out.”
“I am trying to get out.”
“And how is that working out?”
A muscle flickered in his jaw as he faced me once more. “Poorly.”
“So, you’re in this life. I’m in this life. Help me. Teach me.”
“I can’t. I can’t do that.”
I shook my head and reached for my phone. Real anger suffused me. I’d thought that, once he saw my point, he’d agree. That he’d see the damage that they’d done and that I needed his help and he’d give in. But he was being adamant.
“Katherine ruined our relationship. She toyed with me. Lewis kept us apart. He stalked me. They’ve both destroyed my career. And they show no remorse. I can’t even imagine what they’ve done to you over the years. Let alone to everyone else in their warpath,” I said with barely contained fury. “And you just want to let them win. Again. I guess that tells me everything that I need to know.”
I stormed to the elevator, jamming my finger down on the button. Penn was hot on my heels, reaching out to stop me.
“Don’t go,” he begged. “Not like this. Not after last night.”
“You want me but only the parts of me that you can control. You don’t want the Natalie who fits into your world. I’m not that doe-eyed young girl anymore. You wrecked her. You slayed her innocence. I won’t be half of anything anymore.”
Then I wrenched my arm out of his grip and stepped into the elevator.
Chapter 6
Penn
The elevator closed in my face.
“Fuck,” I growled into my now-empty apartment.
I fisted my hands into my hair and tugged on the strands in frustration. Goddamn it! That hadn’t been how that conversation was supposed to go. That hadn’t been how this fucking morning was supposed to go. Not after last night. How fucking incredible last night had been.
Just … where had this Natalie come from?
This vengeful angel set out to prove herself.
When she had first messaged me to let me know that she was coming back into the city for New Year’s Eve, I’d been surprised that she wanted to meet at a party of all places. After what Katherine and Lewis had done, I’d thought she’d still be broken. Still beaten down, eating straight out of a tub of icing. Not in the city, looking like an exotic, sensual phoenix rising up out of the ashes.
After finding out the extent of what had gone down this week, I understood where she was coming from. We had fucked with her life and won. We always won. It was the way a world filled with unending wealth and privilege worked.
But she was coming out swinging.
On one hand, she hadn’t deserved to get kicked to the curb. But that didn’t mean that learning to be more like the enemy was the answer to all of this. She was too good. Too kind and honest and…everything. This world would rip that right out of her if she stayed in it.
I knew first-fucking-hand.
It was a dangerous road she was walking on.
And while I wanted her in my life, I wanted a way for us to be together without the Upper East Side bullshit between us. That was what I should have done all along.