I open it—and there on the screen are his detailed financial records.
Years of them.
A lot of the numbers and words make no sense to me, but they will to my father—
My phone buzzes across the room on my desk. I almost let it ring, because I don’t want to sit here in Matthew’s chair longer than necessary, but also because I still haven’t decided what to do. I need a clear head. I need to think. But the emotion and adrenaline welling in my chest make me feel like I’m running a marathon.
With a frustrated sound, I push away from the desk and cross to the other side of the office, picking up my phone. My father is calling me. Did he sense my conflict from downtown?
“Hello?”
“Kaylee!” His chair creaks in the background. “Or should I say Sarah? Are you able to talk?”
Acid gurgles in my belly. “Yes.”
“Good. Your first day on the other side of enemy lines.” He chuckles, but there is a note of eagerness to his laugh. “How are things progressing?”
My father has never sounded so interested in speaking to me.
I expect to feel pride or pleasure, but there’s only nausea. It rolls through me like wet garbage and I wander back over to Matthew’s desk, desperately needing to feel the warmth of his body again. “I haven’t found anything yet,” I lie, looking at the endless rows and columns of numbers.
There’s a wealth of strain in his sigh. “I realize it’s only day one, but remember you’re only there as a temp. You don’t have a lot of time. And Borden is a shrewd bastard. There’s every chance he’ll realize who you are before time is up. You’ll need to work fast.”
“I understand.”
“No, I don’t think you do. He is rendering my company obsolete, Kaylee. Choking the life out of what I’ve spent decades building. This is your chance to make a difference. After all, you’ve certainly enjoyed the advantages money has to offer. Money I made in real estate.”
“I know. I…I understand. I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I just…” I take a long, bracing breath. “I wish you valued me for who I am. Not what dirt I can find. I just—”
“Your generation wants something for nothing,” he hisses. “I had to earn my keep at your age. No one patted me on the back unless I was busting my ass.”
“I don’t want a pat on the back. I just want to be…relevant to you. I—”
“And you will, Kaylee. Just do this important thing for me. For your family. Help us get over this Borden Enterprises obstacle and then we can—”
“We can what? Be a big happy family?” I shake my head. “I shouldn’t have to ruin someone for that to happen.”
“He’s a terrible person. He is a fucking villain, Kaylee. You’re doing a good deed.”
“You never told me what happened to his parents,” I whisper, my eyes straying to a picture on Matthew’s desk. A little boy sitting at a metal table with a man in an orange jumpsuit. A man who is practically lifeless, the boy dejected. “They were taken from him in more ways than one. By you. That would make anyone ruthless and angry.”
He scoffs. A drawer slams on the other end of the line. “Exactly whose side are you on?”
“I’m on…my side,” I murmur.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
There is no way I can betray Matthew. Is there?
I’ve never experienced the sense of belonging he gives me. I can’t trade it. I won’t.
Furthermore, I’m done letting expectations other than my own color my life. Determine my mood and choices and who I am. I’m done being pinned down by the past and the needs of a child. I’m a grown up now and I’ll stand up for myself. On my own two feet.
“It means I’m going to do what I think is right. For me. And I don’t want to be used. I want to be worthy all on my own.” I wet my dry lips. “I’m not going to help you. I’m sorry things couldn’t be different. But I’m going to get over it, because I’m stronger than you know.”
I hang up the phone to the sound of my father sputtering.
Exhilaration winds through me, turning my limbs loose. The anger I’ve been carrying around for so long, the self-disgust, it evaporates like a puddle in the sunshine and I can breathe deeply, deeply. I start to push back from Matthew’s desk, already practicing my speech when I come clean to him. Maybe he’ll be angry. Maybe he’ll never want to see me again. But at least I won’t have betrayed him. At least I did the right thing.
Please let that count for something.
Please let his heart listen to mine and know the love is real.
Before I can stand up, an icon in the upper right-hand corner of the screen catches my eye. A cloud. I’m not sure why I reach for the mouse and click. I’ll never know why my curiosity prods me. But I lean down and I double tap the cloud, watching more icons flood the screen, along with pictures of various buildings. Construction sites.