Cruel Legacy (Cruel 3)

“I can make him pay for his actions.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Please don’t do anything stupid. I can handle this myself.”

“You wanted lessons on the Upper East Side, Natalie. Sometimes, you need to let others take care of things for you.”

“No,” I said sharply.

I didn’t want Penn involved. Not when I didn’t know what Lewis’s next move was. I wanted to be one step ahead of him. That was what I’d learned from Katherine. She was always ahead of me in some way. And I planned to stay ahead of both of them. So that this looked like a small misstep in the grand scheme of things.

“Can we talk about something else? There’s a reason I didn’t want to tell you about it.”

“Well, it was all over you. I couldn’t ignore it.”

“If this is our first date, then I don’t want to spend the entire time talking about Lewis,” I said, leaning forward. “Let’s talk about something else. Your book? How is that going?”

Penn looked like he wanted to say more about Lewis, but then he effortlessly switched topics. Ever the charmer. “I finally got a date for it. Looks like it’s coming out this fall after all. Supposedly, I should be getting copies at the start of the summer.”

“And is it the life-changing philosophy work you always wanted to do?”

Like my love of writing, ethical philosophy was where Penn’s passion rested. He’d wanted to write a groundbreaking book about sex and morality. Especially looking at the standard view that said only relationships could equal safe and moral sex. Unsurprisingly, he argued that relationships were hardly necessary as long as it was consensual sex between adults. He said more about diseases and pregnancy, but the gist was the same. One-night stands were A-okay in moral terms and, even further, could bring about real Aristotelian happiness.

But Penn didn’t answer right away. I was surprised by that. Even a year ago, he’d been adamant that this was the only route.

“I don’t disagree with my central argument. I think that people can be moral and achieve happiness outside of a relationship.” His eyes settled on mine as if he’d come to a deeper conclusion that he wasn’t sure he wanted to share with me. “But I’ll be honest and say that I can understand the standard view, too.”

I nearly choked on my wine. “Since when?”

“About a year ago,” he admitted.

“But you…you slept around after me.”

“I did. It wasn’t for moral reasons, and it brought me no real happiness. If anything, it brought me further from my intended result. Especially when it was clear that I was just trying and failing to forget you. That you were my happiness, and I’d lost you, like an idiot.”

My mouth dropped open at his admission.

I’d known that he’d slept around to get back at Katherine. That he didn’t do it out of any real pleasure. But it still hurt to find out especially since I hadn’t been with anyone else while he’d been getting his dick wet with whoever walked by. It was part of the reason I’d ended up giving Lewis a chance to begin with.

But to hear that I’d changed his entire view on his own philosophical musings. To hear that I was now the source of that happiness he’d been searching for since his father died. I didn’t…didn’t even have words for that.

It made me glow from the inside out. As if butterflies had just descended into my stomach and were whacking their tiny wings all along the inside. It seemed unbelievable and wonderful. And terrifying.

That he felt that way. That I couldn’t deny that I felt that way.

“And here, I can normally tell what you’re thinking, but I have no clue,” he said with a small laugh. “Did I speak my mind too much? I don’t think how I feel about you is a secret.”

“No,” I whispered. “Not anymore. I wanted to think that last year was all a lie to you. Just a joke. But it wasn’t, was it?”

He shook his head. “Every moment was real.”

The waiter took that second to bring out our meals. I was glad for the reprieve from that conversation. It was way more intense than I’d expected. I’d thought we’d have another round of observe the room or show how your clothes make you superior or whatever Upper East Side bullshit they touted. I’d figured I might get some information on strategy. Not talk about our feelings.

My feelings were too conflicted. Too conflicted to give in to that gorgeous smile, the too-blue eyes, and the adorable dimples. The man that I was just now really getting to know. I’d been attracted to him from the start. With a body like that, who wouldn’t? But it was the brain and the man beneath that mask that always intrigued me.