It had been two weeks since I had sex with Roark. He was infertile, so pregnancy wasn’t a worry. Yet. How long could I restrain my sexual relationship with Jesse?
“Have a little faith, honey.” She knocked my hand away. “Give them this one night of burning, yearning, instant-boner seduction. Tomorrow, you can return to your ponytails, shit-kickers, and leather holsters.”
Seduction I could do. Worst case, the IUD was MIA and we’d repeat our night in the bathroom, which had been nothing short of mind-blowing. And other blowing.
I sighed at the invasion of tingles in my core, fantasizing about my guardians as Shea did her thing. As much as I wanted to graciously bow out of this little makeup party, it seemed to make her ecstatically happy. So I let her brush shit over my lids and cheeks and smear my lips and lashes in more shit. Then she moved to the clothes.
A fist knocked on the door, accompanied by the scratch of claws.
Shea peeked her head out. “Hey, handsome.” She lifted her knee against the cracked opening, blocking the shove of a shaggy head. “No, Darwin. No dog hair allowed.”
“Hey.” Paul’s deep voice filtered through the door. “How much longer? Jesse’s pacing around that machine, glaring at it like he’s waiting for it to grow eight-legs or something.”
Poor Jesse. Tonight would either be a night of colossal disappointment or one huge final step in intimacy.
“Ten minutes.” Shea closed the door and slumped against it, wearing a floaty-heart smile, one that had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the man in the hall.
“Have you slept with him?”
“Maybe.” She ducked her head, gathering the clothes from the edge of the tub.
“And Eddie?”
She smiled at me over her shoulder then sighed, her lips pinching. “They’re not Jackson, you know?” She shook her head, her dark curls falling across her face.
I lifted her hair, tucking it behind her ears. “It gets easier.”
“Yeah? I mean, the sex is good, really good, and who knows? Maybe it’ll turn into something like you have someday?”
“I hope so.” I leaned in to kiss her forehead.
“Lipstick!” She dodged my mouth and shoved the bundle of clothes against my chest. “Get dressed.”
Ten minutes later, I flattened my palms on my thighs, smoothing out the fabric of the short, flirty black skirt. A shimmery blue strapless top clung to my boobs and the dips in my waist. I got away with going bra-less, but Shea won the fight about the white lace thong, claiming the tags were still attached because it was destined for my ass. She was right about that, considering I couldn’t stop the strip of lace from crawling its way into my crack.
On my way out of the bathroom, I glanced at the mirror. Staring back was a woman from another time and a different place. She was the career woman who dressed for the office every day. The wife who dined at fancy restaurants with her husband. The mother who attended talent shows to watch her daughter dance and karate tournaments to see her son show off his kicks.
I missed that woman deeply, longingly. My chest ached at the knowledge that I was looking at an artificial layer and deep down that person was well and truly gone.
Behind the light makeup and clean hair was someone else entirely, a woman with eyes that had seen a thousand deaths, with ears that had heard the screams of unfathomable horror, and a heart that had slogged through bloodshed and found a way to love again.
In that moment, staring at my reflection beneath the warmth of a single light bulb, I realized I was proud of the woman I’d become. Maybe I’d lost the graceful ability to sashay in a pair of four-inch heels, but I could use the spikes to defend a life. Maybe I no longer dominated a boardroom, but I could hold my own on a battlefield. Maybe I’d forgotten how to comfort a child, but I had spread a cure that gave women a chance to love generations of children.
“You’re beautiful.” Shea stood behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder, meeting my eyes in the mirror. “I'll handle the ultrasound, and you just stand there and watch the zippers bust open, m’kay?”
I burst out laughing and followed her through the door and into the hallway.
My heart hammered, my palms slicked, and the high-heels pinched the circulation in my toes. But I held my head up as I stepped into the bedroom I’d been sharing with Jesse and Roark.
In the bright glow of the overhead light, Jesse saw me instantly, his eyes wide and frozen, like his stance. He blinked, blinked again, and his gaze lowered, lower still, then traveled back up, over my skirt, lingering on my chest, and locking on my face.