Nothing lived here, nothing remained but the lingering aroma of smoke and burnt memories.
I’d left Darwin in Shea’s van with her, but Jesse and Roark hovered like shadows at my elbows. It would’ve been unnerving and downright fucked up to take my lovers on a tour of the home I’d shared with my family, but I would’ve preferred that to this.
Every incinerated flake that stirred beneath my steps made me shudder. Each groan of settling timber penetrated my chest and tightened my insides into an agonizing knot of hell. My shoulders hunched around my ears, my arms crossed defensively, and my entire body trembled in pain.
I wanted to be stronger, or at the very least, appear stronger. Forty men stood around watching me, and every one of them had lost something or someone meaningful. But the reminder didn’t help me stand taller or braver.
I looked out across the backyard, a view I’d once cherished from my deck. Blackened debris filled the in-ground pool. The maple trees rustled, covering the ground with dead, brown leaves. The valley of rolling hills and lavish homes now lay in ruins of cement and weeds. But they weren’t burned. No, that calamity only fell upon my house.
Jesse’s hand slid into mine, pulling my arm away from my torso. “Annie and Aaron…” He cleared his voice, softening it. “Their spirits used to talk about this place. The pool. The lightning bugs. The little lizards they would catch near the rock wall.”
Swallowing past a thick throat, I stared at the corner of the yard where the rock wall once stood and willed their ghosts to appear, if only for a moment, so I could trace their sweet faces with my gaze while I told them I loved them and missed them so, so much.
“Joel cremated them here.” My voice cracked in the crisp air. “He spread their ashes over the property.”
I was so thankful he hadn’t buried them, that their tiny bodies weren’t stuck in the ground beneath the sad waste of their home.
A terrible noise rose up in my throat, the sound shocking me. I covered my mouth, blinking burning eyes and wondering if I’d finally cry.
But the tears didn’t come, not even when Roark’s arms came around me, squeezing my chest to his.
I held onto his strength, my thoughts spinning into a mess of shattered images. I saw the day I’d brought Annie home from the hospital, carrying her into the house for the first time, her little body wrapped in pink blankets. I heard the patter of Aaron’s footsteps when he sneaked into bed with Joel and me at night. I smelled the rich aroma of Cavendish tobacco that clung to Joel’s skin when he made love to me.
Then I felt the pain, digging, clawing, and biting through my mind until all I knew was pain. Memories held power, the power to shut everything off and hurt so deeply and viciously that nothing else existed. So much fucking pain.
“We’re still here.” Roark’s brogue rumbled over me, his embrace squeezing my ribs. “Ye still have us.”
Jesse moved against my back and touched his forehead to my shoulder.
Roark’s words and Jesse’s silent support struck a chord, plucking me from the paralyzing depths of memory and yanking me to the surface.
My home had been destroyed long ago and not by a fire. It stopped existing when my family died. But Jesse and Roark were still here. My new family. I wasn’t alone.
Closing my eyes, I let the ache of my loss fall away like tears. Then I pulled in a shredded breath, blinked rapidly, and cleared my eyes of dust.
“Yeah.” I stood taller, breathed a little bit easier, and strengthened my stance. Smoothing my palms over the breast of Roark’s coat, I stretched on tiptoes and kissed the soft hairs that had grown on his chin. “Thank you.”
I reached back, found Jesse’s hand, and gave it a squeeze.
“Now what?” Link strode toward us, his crossbow slung over his back.
“You have trackers, right? Put them on the Drone’s trail.” I stepped out from between Jesse and Roark, ready to get the hell away from this dead place. “If people are talking about us, let’s drag them out of their hidey-holes and find out what they’ve heard about a man with a cape and wings.”
Link’s head turned slowly, ever-so slowly in my direction, as if he were deliberately trying to intimidate me with…what? A slowly turning head? Whatever.
His black eyes took their time, too, finally resting on mine. “That’s your plan?”
“Got a better one?” Jesse asked, his eyes scanning our surroundings.
“Nope.” Link grinned.
Apparently, he wasn’t holding any grudges against Jesse. Smart man.
I moved to walk back to the van, refusing to give the charred remains of my house a soul-sucking good-bye, but as I took a step, I felt…twitchy. Another step, and a warm, glowing sensation settled over me, like someone had turned on a bulb and held it close to my skin.