“I’m sure.”
The first rip of the pages coming out of Bet On It made me cringe. But once I started tearing them out page by page, it became easier. All three hundred eighty-seven pages in a heap in the middle of the sand. The shredded remnants of what my life had once been. The closure to that fateful night when I’d asked the moon to take the dozens of rejection letters and make it something else. It had. It had made me something else.
Amy pulled out the bottle of Jack Daniel’s. I hadn’t gone out of my way to get the good stuff. I wasn’t staying in Kensingtons’ Hamptons mansion. This was just me.
I took the first swig straight from the bottle. I managed to swallow without sputtering but coughed on the second gulp. I passed the bottle down. Amy didn’t wait before tipping it back like a pro. She daintily wiped her lips and then handed it to Melanie. I thought she might hesitate or get out of it. But it must be attributed to her college party life that she took the bottle without complaint and drank deep. She did sputter at the taste, but it was with a smile. She was here. She was in. We were all too deep to stop now.
One more pull from the bottle, and then I set it aside. I was smarter this time and actually brought lighter fuel with us, so we wouldn’t have to waste the whiskey. I splashed it all over the pages, moved it out of the way of the pit, and reached for the matches.
I raised my hands in the air, smiling at how right this felt. How right I felt with the universe. “I give this to you, moon. Another ritual burning. The end of it all. Close the circle. Cleanse me completely and let me start anew.”
I struck the match and dropped it into the pit. It ignited, the flames growing as the pages burned, the edges curling and turning to ash. I laughed. It’d escaped me without warning. Then, I laughed again.
Amy joined in, and soon, Melanie followed. We danced around our little bonfire as my book literally went up in flames. As we enjoyed this moment together on the beach outside of Charleston and gave my troubles to the universe. Let it burn right out of me.
As the flames began to die down, I reached for my T-shirt and shorts. I let them drop into the sand and then dashed to the oceanfront. I heard my best friend and my sister racing behind me in the sand. The first splash was freezing. The ocean hadn’t heated enough for this, but I didn’t even care. I dived under, tasting the salt and sandy grime of the ocean, and reappeared to see Amy and Mel jumping in, too.
They swam out to me, joking and reveling in the moment. They weren’t immune to the cleansing. To the power that we possessed that night. To the ways we communed and burned and washed it all away.
I already felt lighter, floating on my back until my teeth chattered. So much lighter. In that moment, I let it all go. The Upper East Side. My revenge. My grudges. I let it all wash away from me.
And when it was gone, it was just me again. Just Natalie.
Chapter 38
Natalie
The next morning, my mom woke me up at the crack of dawn with the vacuum cleaner.
I covered my ears and groaned. “Mom, what are you doing?”
“Oh, Natalie!” she said as if she hadn’t known I was lying there.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “You knew I was sleeping.”
“Well, now that you’re up, you want to help me?”
I laughed at her ludicrousness and decided, What the hell? “Fine. What do you need help with?”
“Excellent, honey. So glad to have you home. Meet me in the attic.”
After a quick shower, I yawned dramatically and climbed the stairs to the attic, which was a complete clusterfuck.
My mother brightened at my appearance—the tie-dyed shirt and bell-bottoms. “Oh, Natalie, you’re so yellow again.” She mimed my aura. “There’s my bohemian girl.”
I grinned at her and crossed my arms at all the clutter. “So…what are you doing up here, and why aren’t you at the shop?”
“I hired someone to help with it!” my mother announced. “He’s taking over today because there’s too much to do here.”
“You called in sick because I’m home, huh?”
My mom hip-checked me with a wink. “Saw you coming a week ago.”
I shook my head at her. Sometimes, I never could tell what she was going to say.
“Now, it looks like we need to keep you nice and busy. You talk while we sort through all these boxes and determine what we keep and love and what is going to go to a new home.” New Age talk for the garbage. “So…Penn?”