She would be saying goodbye to the girls, he imagined. There was no possible way that Katie would leave them without another word. No matter how angry he was, he knew her better than that—knew that she loved Lily and Seraphine. He half stood from the desk, wondering if he should go and be with them while she told them she was leaving, but decided against it. The three of them were their own kind of unit. They deserved a few moments’ peace before she was gone and life became a little more unsettled again.
So Armin didn’t interfere. He leafed through a stack of paperwork on his desk, reading the words on the pages once, then twice, retaining none of it. He couldn’t even trust himself to sign on the dotted lines. It would be irresponsible to agree to anything when he didn’t—couldn’t—have all the facts. If he couldn’t concentrate long enough to read them, it would have to wait.
But for how long? When could he go see his girls, secure in the knowledge that Katie wouldn’t be there? He couldn’t imagine that she would make her goodbyes drawn-out and difficult. She seemed to understand the girls on a level that perhaps he never would. Several times, he went to the door only to turn back to his desk. Armin hated being indecisive like this. On the fifth trip to the door, he went out.
On the way to the girls’ rooms, he met Natalia in the hallway, talking to a young woman with a taped box in her hands.
“Prince Armin,” Natalia said when she saw him. “We’re nearly finished. The things will be stored in—”
“Store them wherever is most convenient. And out of sight.” His stomach curdled at the thought of Katie’s belongings shoved in some out-of-the-way closet or storage room, and then later—what? He doubted she’d take them back.
He put it out of his mind and went in to see the girls.
Lily and Seraphine were sitting in the window seat of their bedroom, staring out at the grounds below. They didn’t turn at the sound of the door, though he saw Lily’s shoulders rise and fall in a little sigh.
Armin’s heart broke all over again.
He went to the window seat and knelt down, looking out the window with them. There was nothing interesting to see out there.
What could he possibly say to make this better?
“Why did she leave us?” Seraphine asked softly.
A million explanations rose to his lips, some of them lies. The one that came out on top in the scuffle was that Katie had been a nanny, a person hired to care for them, and she had to leave because she had broken the rules. That was the simplest explanation. It was the one his parents would have given him.
But he was not his parents.
“Sometimes, we all must make very difficult decisions.” His voice must have sounded different enough to catch their attention, because both of them turned to look at him. “Katie didn’t want to leave you. She loves you both very much. But she…she had some important things to do.” It was Seraphine’s turn to let out a sad sigh.
“More important than being with us?” Lily asked, and Armin thought he’d give anything for this moment to be over.
“No, not more important. Only…different.” They were so young. “I know she’ll always be thinking of you, and caring for you, even though she can’t be with us. Just like I am always thinking of you and caring for you, even when I can’t be with you.”
Seraphine bent her head and rested it sadly on his shoulder.
After another moment, Lily did the same.
Armin wrapped his big arms around the both of them, drawing them in close. The scent of their berry shampoo hung in the air in the window seat, filling him with a kind of aching warmth. The girls were so sad, and so hurt, and his own heart tore with every beat. They were all equally devastated. He could feel that as keenly as everything else.
“Oh—” Lily made a little noise that he felt to the core of his soul. “I miss her.”
“I do too,” he admitted.
They sat there for a long time in silence, Armin holding the girls even when his knees dug into the carpet and his back began to ache.
But that was what fatherhood was, wasn’t it? Doing the hard thing, even when it hurt. Even when it was, frankly, excruciating. Still, Armin didn’t find himself shying away from the challenge. As much as he wanted the girls to be happy, as
much as he wanted them to feel less of this horrible pain, he also found the strength to stay in the moment with them. For a moment, he wished that Katie was there too, to soothe and calm all of them, but no—he could handle it. He would handle it.
For the first time, he thought he had a chance of doing this right.
Maybe that’s what they’d do from now on. Somehow, he’d find a way to add full-time parenthood to his duties as a prince. Surely, someone had done it before and figured out how to make it all work.
Yet even through his dogged determination, he missed her.
He missed her when he took the girls’ hands and invited them to dinner.
He missed her even more after he tucked them into bed and retreated back to his rooms, silent and empty without her.