But looking at it now, she couldn't help thinking how lonely it was. Efficiency had a price, and it was one she was tired of paying. She wanted to throw the schedule out and embrace life—she wanted to be more like Eddie. It was something she had decided the morning after they had spent the night together, the morning after the best sex of her life.
There had to be a reason Eddie was so happy and free, and she wanted to know the secret. Just loving him, secretly and to herself, wasn't enough. To be the best match for him, in that wide world of women he had such intimate knowledge of, she would have to emulate him. She would go with the flow.
And she had no doubt that flow would take her to Eddie in the end.
Chapter Eight
Eddie
“…Eddie, relax,” Margot whispered from the examination chair. “They’re just doing an ultrasound.”
Eddie was on edge, and everyone in the room knew it. The doctor spent half her time soothing him when her attention should have been solely focused on Margot, but he couldn’t seem to stop drawing the focus away. He tried to relax, and wound up nearly coming off of his stool in the process.
“Here you go, sweetie.” Another nurse entered and brought him a cup of water. Eddie accepted, but tried to offer it to Margot first; she just shook her head, looking bemused. He downed it in one gulp and crumpled the cup in his fist.
“You took that water like you take your shots,” Margot noticed.
“I just...I guess I wasn’t expecting this,” Eddie said. How was he supposed to tell Margot, laid out and vulnerable, that this ultrasound was something out of the ordinary? Why didn’t the doctor say as much? Wasn’t that her job?
Margot raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said you read up on all this stuff?”
He didn’t want to alarm her, but he now felt as if he had no choice. “I did. All my research indicated that normally the first appointment doesn’t require an ultrasound.”
“Doctor?” Margot turned her head. “Is that true?”
The doctor smiled at them both kindly. “Yes. Your partner really has done his research. But since you’re further along in your pregnancy than most women normally are when they come in for their first appointment, I wanted to get an idea of what we’re looking at. Development-wise, Miss Daley, your baby is in perfect health. Would you like to listen?”
“Listen?” Margot repeated curiously. “To what?”
The doctor’s smile broadened. Before Eddie could parse all his recently acquired knowledge to know what she might mean, the doctor turned and adjusted something on her moni
tor. She kept the instrument she held pressed gently to Margot’s stomach.
A hypnotic, rhythmic thrum filled the room. Eddie glanced from Margot to the speakers near them and back, and could tell that she was equally confused. “Is that...my heartbeat?” she asked.
“I’m using an advanced version of the fetal Doppler,” the doctor explained. “Not every clinic has a setup like this.” She indicated the speakers occupying each corner of the room. “It’s a little dramatic, but I think it’s appropriate for this moment. I don’t just want expecting parents to hear their child’s heartbeat; I want them to be able to feel it.”
The steady pulse resonated in the room. As Eddie listened to it intently, holding his breath for any sort of irregularity, he found that the sound was starting to feel as if it came from within him. Was his own heart beating in time with the heartbeat of his child?
Was this how Margot felt at night, lying awake in bed alone, listening? He suddenly ached to be there with her in those moments.
“It’s her.” Margot looked at him, eyes shimmering. “It’s our baby, Eddie.”
“It’s still too early at this stage to tell the sex,” the doctor noted. Eddie knew that, but he didn’t voice any doubts about Margot’s certainty. He believed her statement as much as she appeared to believe it herself. A daughter, he thought in wonder. My daughter.
He reached for her, but Margot’s hand was already moving off the table to seek his hand. They met halfway, interlocking their fingers; Eddie felt the warmth of their touch flow through him as their baby’s heartbeat filled the room with its steady pulse. For the first time, he found himself trying to imagine all the lullabies he might sing to her. He hadn’t conducted any research into the matter, and couldn’t remember the words to the low refrains his own mother had once sung to him. Whatever he came up with, he knew that it would never inspire a similar feeling to what he felt in this moment. This was his own daughter’s lullaby to him.
“And here you can see the baby on the screen,” the doctor invited. Both their heads turned together to observe the sonogram. Eddie thought he had known what to expect, having browsed through galleries upon galleries of pictures online already, but his heart still gave a jolt when he saw the tiny figure tucked in close to itself. It was a similar sensation to seeing someone you thought you recognized after spending too long apart. He didn’t know how else to describe it.
“Can we get a printout?” Margot sounded short of breath. Eddie glanced down at her quickly to make sure nothing was the matter, and saw that her expression was as awestruck as his own. He assumed that was the reason she struggled to form words now.
He squeezed her hand.
“Of course.” The doctor smiled. “I’ve already ordered copies from the lab. Before you go, though, I did want to take a moment to talk with the two of you about Margot’s blood pressure.”
“Her blood pressure?” Eddie was already on high alert. “How is it? What’s wrong?”
“Eddie,” Margot murmured. “Let her finish.”