Which was nuts. Tara had made it clear she didn’t want him around anymore. She’d moved on.
So why did she want Ashley to come over now?
He glanced over to where his daughter was playing in the corner. He still hadn’t gotten around to hiring a new nanny. So between school, him and his neighbor Mrs. Crocker, they managed to keep his kid supervised as needed. Mrs. Crocker had had a doctor’s appointment today, though, so Clint had picked his daughter up from kindergarten and brought her here with him.
“Daddy?” Ashley called, futzing with a Tree Top Explorer Barbie in each hand.
“Yeah, sweetie?” he said, exhaling slowly. Man, he loved his child, more than life itself, but he was tired. Tired of doing it all on his own. He wanted a friend, a partner, a wife to share the burden, the joys and sorrows and everything in between with him. Clint never thought he’d say this, but he was lonely.
Lonely for something he’d had and lost, before he’d even realized it.
Dumbass indeed.
Ashley set her dolls on the floor and walked over to where he sat behind his desk, her mouth turned down at the corners. “I miss Tara. When can we go visit her again?”
Her quiet tone sucker punched him right in the feels. He missed Tara too, more than he could say. Missed her smile and her laugh. Missed the way she looked and the way she smelled. Missed how she’d opened her home and her heart to them, no questions asked.
“I’m not sure, honey,” he said, staring at the phone on his desk again. “Tara’s awfully busy right now.”
“They passed her bill,” Ashley said, climbing up onto his lap uninvited. “Did you know that, Daddy?”
“I did,” he said, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her back into him. “But how did you know?”
“It was in the paper.” She pointed to Levon’s messy desk, where the front page of the afternoon edition of the local paper half-hung over one edge. “I bet Tara’s so happy.”
“I bet you’re right.” He kissed the top of his daughter’s head and smiled. He’d seen it on the news earlier that day and had spent far too long hypnotized by Tara’s grin on the screen. Once upon a time, she’d grinned like that for him. What he wouldn’t give to make that happen again.
“Daddy?”
“Yeah?” he said, shaking off his silly thoughts.
“Mommy left us.”
Clint winced, glad his daughter couldn’t see his face. “That’s true. She did.”
“But Tara didn’t leave. She’s still here, in town.”
Well, that was true. Proving once again that not all women were like his ex. Not all women left. But the situation was a whole lot more complicated than that. Ashley wouldn’t understand that, though, and rather than risk getting in over his head here, Clint agreed. “Yep, she is.”
“Do you like Tara, Daddy?” Ashley scooted slightly to look up at him over her shoulder. “I like her a whole lot. She’s funny and smart and she lets me draw rainbows whenever I want and talk about all sorts of stuff like compost and butterflies and solar energy.”
Clint snorted at his precocious kid. Where would he find another six-year-old like Ashley? Nowhere, that’s where. She was unique through and through and he thanked his lucky stars every day she was in his life. He nodded and gave his kid a squeeze. “You two had lots to talk about, huh?”
“We did. When can we see her again, Daddy?” Ashley asked again. “Please? I’ve got more ideas for her social media I need to tell her too.”
Reluctantly, he reached over and grabbed his phone again. Maybe it was fate, this invitation. Certainly seemed that way, given how Ashley was all but begging to see Tara again.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, kiddo?”
“Why do you work so much?” she asked him. “You always seem too busy for me.” The simple, direct statement sliced him to the bone.
He swallowed hard and scooted her around again so he could see her face. “I’m sorry, honey. I work a lot so that we can have a nice life and afford all the things you need.”
“But I need more time with you.” Ashley kept her eyes lowered and gave a small shrug that broke his heart. Damn. He’d been staying busy, thinking that was the way to a better future, but maybe he’d gotten that wrong. Just like he’d gotten so many other things wrong over the past couple of weeks. “I want you to watch me ride my bike. I want you to read to me before bed. I want you to play dolls with me and help me compost and color and do all the stuff other kids in my class do with their dads.”
So much for keeping a lid on his emotions now. Guilt welled up inside him, making him feel worse than he already did about the situation. Things had been easier when Tara had been around. He’d come to depend on her in more ways than he’d realized. Tara had become that partner, that friend, he'd been looking for and he’d just thrown it all away.