“Wow.” He considered that a moment. “Sounds noble as hell and I respect that. That’s part of the reason why I became a SEAL. To help others, but also to understand places and people different from me. Can’t keep someone safe if you don’t know what’s important to them and why.”
“You’re all about safety, aren’t you?” Serena looked up and caught his gaze.
“Yep.” Heat prickled up from beneath the collar of his black T-shirt. Usually, he was kind of embarrassed to tell people about how much his work meant to him because they might think he was weird, but tonight with Serena it felt okay. He stared down at the soda can in his hand, frowning. “It’s always felt like my calling.”
“That sounds noble as hell too,” she said, smiling as she lifted Gracie away from her nipple and smoothed her shirt back down so she could put the baby over her shoulder to burp. “Guess we’re just two peas in a pod, huh?”
Noah didn’t know about that, but he liked the idea of them having more in common. He was about to tell her so when his phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out to see a message from the clerk. “Room’s ready. Let’s head upstairs.”
8
Serena got Gracie settled on one of the beds, then sat at the small table in one corner of their room. It was nice here, not super fancy, but not exactly a budget motel either. Noah had been busy checking in with his team on his phone while she’d gotten the baby bathed and changed and into a clean onesie from her knapsack, but now there wasn’t much else to do after she’d washed out the dirty diapers from the day before and laid them out to dry.
The longer she sat there, though, staring out the window into the darkness, the more she couldn’t help feeling like maybe they might actually get out of this situation intact and make it back to the US. Thus far, Noah had proved himself a capable protector and that gave Serena hope. The least she could do from here on in was be cooperative and helpful to him in keeping them safe.
Eavesdropping wasn’t usually her MO, but given the confined quarters of their room, she couldn’t help but overhear snippets of his conversation. Specifically, the words “retrieval” “location” and “capital.”
Right. Okay. So their final destination was Frederickston.
Her brain kicked into overdrive trying to anticipate every obstacle she might face when it came to caring for Gracie during the rest of their journey. The baby wasn’t much trouble, but when she was hungry or needed a diaper change, she got fussy, so keeping those times to a minimum while they were on the trail would be priority one. The last thing they needed was to have Gracie’s wails draw the enemy right to them. They’d been incredibly lucky that Gracie had been quiet that afternoon when the men in the SUV had nearly caught them. She resolved to keep an eye on her watch and make sure she kept a schedule of regular feedings while they were traveling, as much as possible, to avoid a cranky infant. She could also make sure she cleaned and restocked her cloth diaper supply while here at the hotel. Maybe she could look through the phone book or contact the front desk about having more diapers delivered. Onesies too. She couldn’t be the only new mom at the hotel who’d found herself running short of things without notice, right?
After Noah ended his call, she told him as much. And sure, he’d made it clear before that she needed to keep her head in the present and out of thinking and speculating about the future, but dammit. She had to have something to keep her brain occupied in here or she’d go nuts.
“So, I’m thinking I’ll call down to the front desk in a little while to see what supplies might be available for me to order and stock up on. That way we won’t have to worry about Gracie’s needs as we head to the extraction point and you can concentrate on doing whatever it is you and your team are planning. If I’m lucky, I can get enough stuff to last until we’re back in the states and out of danger. Then, man, I can’t wait to shop at my favorite little boutique again. They had the cutest baby clothes for girls last year and—”
“Please, just stop, okay?” Noah gave her a peeved stare. “Didn’t we have this talk already? I’ve got a lot of logistics running through my head and I need to keep it all straight in order to get us where we need to be. We’re nowhere near safe yet, even though this place is secure enough for tonight.” He shook his head and scowled, turning away to pace the room. “All your chatter about diapers and clothes and what you’ll do when you get home is driving me insane.”
The small bubble of joy that had risen inside her at the thought of freedom and hot baths and a life where she didn’t have to look over her shoulder constantly burst. Deflated, her shoulders sagged and she lowered her head to stare at her toes. She’d only been trying to help, but it seemed she’d made things worse.
Crap. Exhaustion mixed with her depression, quickly morphing into defensiveness. He didn’t have to be such an ass about it. Yes, he was frustrated and on edge. So was she. She still managed to be polite and upbeat, while he was just being a dick.
She rose from her chair with as much dignity as she could muster, head high and chin raised, walking past him without a glance. “Well, pardon me for having ideas. I’m going to take a bath now, if it won’t annoy you too much.” She reached the bathroom door and stopped, looking back at him over her shoulder, feeling every bit as bitchy as he’d acted moments before. “And if it does bother you? Tough shit.”
The bathroom door closed with a resounding thwack and Noah just stood there, staring at it for a long few seconds. What the hell had just happened there exactly, he couldn’t say. What he did know was that his blood was thumping through his veins and if he didn’t know better, he’d say he was turned on as fuck.
Though that situation quickly went away, thanks to the crying baby who’d woken up at the loud ruckus.
Dammit. Slowly, Noah turned to look over at Gracie on the bed and back at the bathroom door. Soon, the sound of running water let him know that nope, Serena wasn’t coming back to deal with this.
Shit. Just shit.
Carrying the kid in that sling through the jungle was one thing. She’d been remarkably unfussy, and when she had started crying, Serena had been quick to step in for a feeding or a diaper change. Picking her up now, when she was all red and squalling and seriously pissed off, and trying to soothe that away was quite another. Great.
Okay. Fine. Think, man. Think.
He set his phone aside and walked back to stare down at Gracie. The first rule he’d learned in conflict resolution as a SEAL was to manage stress quickly while remaining calm and alert. He took a deep breath to ease the tension knotting his muscles, then knelt beside the bed to put him and the baby at eye level. The next step was to control your emotions and behaviour. If he acted nervous and upset too, chances were good the baby would pick up on that and react accordingly. So, he needed to keep his shit together as much as possible. He flexed his hands several times at his sides to limber up his fingers then gave the kid what he hoped was a reassuring smile while her little face scrunched up even more with unhappiness and her tiny cheeks turned splotchy.
Please let this work. Don’t screw this up.
This was worse than his last round of hostage negotiations in Beirut. At least then, he’d had his SEAL teammates to fall back on in case he messed up. Now, it was just him and around ten pounds of fury and frustration here on the bed. Through the bathroom door, he heard the water shut off, then soft humming. Humming? Yeah, Serena was getting back at him for the way he’d acted earlier, and damn if he didn’t feel a little guilty about that. Maybe he had been too harsh on her, but he was doing the best he could here. She wasn’t the only one out of her element these days.
And speaking of elements, things were still stormy on the infant front. Noah rolled his neck and shoulders, loosening the tension there before widening his smile. Gracie tracked his movements, her little legs kicking and her wails dialing down a few notches.
Good. Right. Keep going.
Next step, pay attention to the emotions being expressed. Well, he didn’t speak baby, but from her tears and cries and angry fists flying, it was pretty obvious Gracie was not a happy camper. Tentatively, Noah reached out a hand toward her, his heart stumbling when she latched on to his finger, holding on tight.