And damn if that didn’t suck. Because he’d been through that before with his own parents. The two of them only stayed together because of him, even though they were all wrong for each other, and look how that had turned out. Not good. Not good at all. And yes, he loved Serena—more than he loved anything on earth—but given how different their lives and goals were, sometimes love wasn’t enough.
After a few minutes of just standing there, holding her, Serena finally pulled away from him. She brushed her hands over her damp cheeks, and it was only then that he realized she’d been crying. The sight gutted him more than he’d ever imagined. He tried to reach for her again, but she stepped back.
“So, what now?” she said, her voice quiet and flat, the bright smile gone.
“With the mission, you mean?” Noah said, deliberately avoiding the elephant in the room. “Well, one they’ve executed their plan for the arrest, they’ll bring your brother in to police headquarters for questioning and then bring formal charges based on the evidence.”
She nodded, staring down at her toes. “And what about us?”
“They’ll want to talk to you too,” he said. “Interview you about the abduction and your time in St. Dourdane. Any interactions with your brother you’ve had since your parents died. They’ll probably want to talk to other people at your company, too. If you’ve got a legal department on staff, you might want to let them know what’s going on so they’ll be prepared if some detectives come by, wanting to talk to your workers.” He hazarded a look at her and found her watching him, her gaze solemn and serious. “And as far as everything else, it should be safe for you to return home in a few days, once the arrest takes place. After that, you’ll want to continue to take precautions for the time being, of co
urse, in case anyone out of the loop thinks the price on your head is still active, but maybe—”
“Noah,” she said, giving him a stern look. “I’m talking about us. You and me and Gracie.”
His chest seemed to cave in on itself, a black hole emerging where his heart used to be and sucking all the joy out of his universe. But this was how it had to be. There couldn’t be a “them,” a family unit with the three of them. Not with his dangerous lifestyle in SSoF and her work taking her all over the globe. His life was here in Atlanta. Hers was wherever her corporation or charities needed her. Gracie would stay with her. He’d see the kid when he could, if he could. She’d probably be better off without him being around too much, anyway.
Knowing it was the right thing didn’t make doing it any easier, though.
Summoning the stoic reserve that had been trained into him in the SEALs, he gave curt nod. “As of now, there is no ‘us.’ The mission is over and we both return to our normal realities. The fantasy we lived in for the last few weeks is gone.”
She flinched slightly and he fisted his hands to keep from reaching out and pulling her back into him. This hurt worse than when he’d taken shrapnel after an IED explosion. There were still a few tiny metal pieces stuck in his calf from that, but they were nothing compared to the iron blade stabbing through his raging emotions. He didn’t show any of that inner turmoil, though, because he couldn’t. It would break him. So instead he just stood there, waiting for his words to sink in.
“But what about last night?” she asked, reaching for him. This time he stepped back, and her hand fell to her side. “What about our future?”
“There is no future for us.” His voice sliced through the air between them like a scalpel, cutting out the happiness they could have had together, ripping it to shreds. “This isn’t one of those things you can wish into reality. I warned you about that in the jungle. There is no us.”
Finally, Serena swallowed hard and headed for the stairs. “Thanks for letting me know. I’m going to go up and check on Gracie now.”
Noah watched her go, knowing he’d just taken the most precious thing in the world and thrown it all away. But he wouldn’t take it back, even if he could. There was no other way. With no reason to stay there any longer, he turned and walked back out to his car, then drove away, staring at the outline of the house until it disappeared around the corner. He’d call Serena later and check in on Gracie, but for now, he needed to get out of there before he lost it, big time, and begged her to forget what he’d said and stay with him forever.
Forever wasn’t in the cards for them, no matter how he dealt them.
20
Two days later, Spencer had agreed to a plea deal in which he’d help law enforcement and SSoF capture Nate Carson. Until then, Noah and Serena were both packing up what little they had to move out of Levon and Olive’s house and go their separate ways.
This had been exactly what Noah had wanted, but as he shoved items into his duffle bag without paying much attention, he thought he really should have felt better about the whole situation than he did.
Truth be told, he missed Serena. Missed her smile and her laugh and the way she used to snuggle up to him at night while she slept. Since the evening when he’d told her about Nate being behind her kidnapping, he’d slept on the sofa downstairs in the living room. And considering some of the dicey places he’d slept over the years, it was the Ritz Carlton—but it just wasn’t the same as lying beside Serena.
With a sigh, he shoved another handful of clothes into his bag. They’d be wrinkled as hell once he got them to his house and unpacked, but what did he care? No one was there to impress anyway.
Serena sidled past him with an armload of toiletries from the bathroom, accidentally bumping into him when he turned fast, then pulling away quickly, like she’d been burned. “Sorry,” she said without looking at him. “Excuse me.”
He grunted and stepped aside to get out of her way. Dammit. It shouldn’t be like this but it was, and he supposed he ought to be glad that it was nearly over. She was heading back to her luxury apartment and he was returning to his tiny bungalow, not far from Levon and Olive’s place. Though he’d lived there for nearly a year, it was still depressingly sparse. At least it came with the appliances, so there was that. The place still felt awfully empty, with just him there. Given he’d basically destroyed the fragile bond between him and Serena, it probably always would.
That was fine, though. He had his work. He had his missions. He had the outcome he’d wanted and his normal life back, just like he’d planned. He’d get over this thing with her and see the baby on special occasions and holidays and it was all good.
Isn’t it?
Noah had just finished packing his duffle and was zipping it up when the doorbell rang downstairs.
Muffled voices echoed up the staircase followed by Levon calling out, “Uh, Noah? Dude, there’s someone here to see you.”
Huh. Noah frowned. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He set his duffle near the door and turned back to Serena. “Be right back.”
She didn’t even look up from her bag, just mumbled, “Hmm.”