“That would totally mess up the seating arrangements.”
“You’ve already figured out seating arrangements? Your engagement party was only two days ago.”
“The wedding is in a few months, I’m not being crazy.”
“I thought you were only inviting twenty people. I can eat wherever.”
“Can you be more supportive, please?”
I exhale, not interested in this level of detail on the heels of the most intoxicatingly, unexpected email of my life.
“Just sit me next to cousin Trudy,” I say to placate Sophia. “She won’t bring a date.”
“You haven’t heard?” she asks.
“Heard what?”
“Trudy got engaged. Yesterday.”
“No way.” I shake my head refusing to believe that my cousin Trudy who is about as interesting as a stick of gum is engaged to be wed.
“Really,” Sophia confirms. “Guess she’s been seeing this guy for a long time, but they met on the Internet. It’s actually really cute, they were on a Star Wars forum together.”
“Huh.” I have no words. I am such a bitch. Here I am judging Trudy and her ability to find love.
Maybe it has nothing to do with being responsible or sensible. Maybe falling in love has to do with being open. Available. Finding someone you can connect with, someone who connects with you.
Someone who wants to connect with you.
“That’s wonderful,” I finally manage. “When are they getting married?”
“In two weeks,” Sophia gushes. “Bananas, right? Apparently, Aunt Linda is having a fit over it, but I think it’s actually kind of sweet. They’re going to a Star Wars convention in Dallas and are getting married there. In full costume.”
“Wow, they’re like, all in.”
“All in, and apparently totally in love. Go on Facebook and you’ll see the photos of their engagement. The guy flew in from Nevada, dressed up as Chewbacca. I mean, I know Taylor and I are about as vanilla as it comes, and I know it might come as a surprise about me that I think this is, like, totally adorable, but I do.”
“I guess being engaged has made you a romantic?” I tease.
“Maybe, or maybe I just want everybody to be really happy. I’m so happy right now, and Trudy is so happy, and I guess that’s why I’m calling. I want you to be happy too. I know I gave you a hard time at the party for coming late, which I know — you weren’t even late. I was just stressed and took it out on you.”
I brush off her apology, but appreciate the sentiment. “Thanks, Sophia. No hard feelings.”
I feel like my sister is squeezing my shoulders as she pulls me into a hug. “Then, maybe you should stop looking for guys in the same places you always do, Ava. Maybe you should start thinking outside the box, like Trudy. Maybe then you’ll find someone you can be happy with.”
I swallow, trying to not get emotional over my sister’s comments. It’s sweet, I mean really sweet.
Also, really depressing.
Maybe I’ve been doing everything completely wrong. Forever.
I look at my computer, see the email from HeartofGold.
What are your deepest desires?
Maybe finding love is all about taking risks.
I end the call with Sophia and click on new message.
I can take a risk.
Right this second.
9
From: avagracewentworth
To: heartofgold
HOG,
My deepest desire?
To love and be loved.
By someone besides my pizza delivery man.
Oh, and the barista I always tip very well even though he never makes my salted caramel mocha correctly.
You?
AG.
From: heartofgold
To: avagracewentworth
AG,
There seem to be a lot of men in your life.
Should I be intimidated?
HOG
From: avagracewentworth
To: heartofgold
HOG,
Avoiding my question?
And yes. I didn’t even mention the FedEx dude. I have a thing for online shopping. And you? Do you have a favorite online store?
Tell me about the women in your life...
AG
From: heartofgold
To: avagracewentworth
AG,
1) my housekeeper Esme
2) my assistant Linda
3) you?
HOG
From: avagracewentworth
To: heartofgold
HOG,
Seems a little premature to say I am in your life. But we are confirming you are a man then, correct?
Also, you aren’t playing fair. Deepest desire?
AG
From: heartofgold
To: avagracewentworth
AG,
You are in my life considering I dream about you every day. Every night.
And yes, I am a man.
And I know quite well that you are a woman.
Deepest desire?
To stop being so damn scared of love. Of losing love.
Your turn. Ask me anything.
And no, I don’t have a favorite online store.
HOG
From: avagracewentworth
To: heartofgold
HOG,
Sometimes I wonder if you are my pizza delivery guy. Or, like, my neighbor.
I want to know who you are. I’m scared I am making you to be someone you aren’t.
But what if you are exactly who I imagine you are?
That’s not my question though.
My question is this:
Favorite childhood memory and why?
AG
P.S. I’m not scared of losing love... I’m scared of never finding it.
P.S.S. My favorite online store is Amazon. They sell everything. I got a package today with deodorant AND granola bars. Magic, I tell you.
From: heartofgold
To: avagracewentworth
AG,
When I was eleven years old my dad took my brother and I on a fishing trip in the far North of Alaska. At night, the sky held a thousand stars. My dad knew all the constellations and he never got tired of telling me their names, pointing them out to me. Cassiopeia. Ursa Major. Orion’s Belt.