I haven’t talked about Brad to anyone here except to explain that Elijah is only allowed to leave with me. But I’m sure in a small town like Whiskey Valley, there has been speculation. Plus, I know I don’t want to badmouth King Bryant, especially to someone that obviously thinks he’s a great guy. “Yeah, that’s part of it. It’s just... I can’t let him do it.”
She must see the finality on my face because she doesn’t try to talk me into it or persist. She reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I understand. It’s your decision. I’m glad we hadn’t mentioned it to Elijah yet then. I do want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. And I don’t gossip.”
I swallow at the emotion thick in my throat. It’s been so long since I’ve had a friend I could talk to, and a part of me wants to open up and tell her everything. I’m about to do just that when a squeal and then peals of laughter come from the back of the bus. Instead of unloading on Miss Olivia, I smile at her. “Thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me. I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for Eli this year.”
Olivia leans her head back in the seat again. “He’s one of the good ones, Natalie. I wish I had nineteen just like him.”
I lean back in my seat, and already guilt is settling over me. I’ve discovered that motherhood is one big question on whether or not I’m making the right decision. I look over my shoulder and find Elijah toward the back of the bus. His friends are all laughing and goofing off while he is staring out the window with a big smile pasted across his face. He looks happy, and already I’m imagining how excited he’d be if he knew about the camp.
I take a deep, pained breath. Please let me be making the right decision.
When we get back to the school, I check Eli out, and he talks nonstop all the way to our apartment. Every other word is King.
“Mr. Bryant,” I correct him.
He drops his backpack on the floor of the living room and starts kicking off his shoes. “He asked me to call him King. Is that okay, Mom?”
I nod and point at the discarded bag. “Is that where that belongs?”
He picks it up and throws the bag over his shoulder.
“Only three more days of school and then you’ll be on spring break. Are you excited?”
He shrugs. “I guess.”
I don’t ask him why he’s not excited. He knows that even though he’s twelve years old and quite capable of staying by himself, I’ll make him go with me to the diner. I’ve left him home before but only for twenty minutes or so. And I’ve let him go across to the park without me too. But I’ve never left him for a whole shift. And when he goes to the park, I’m right here. I can see everything from our front door. I take a deep breath. “Would you like spaghetti for dinner?” I ask him, naming his favorite food.
“Would I?” he asks excitedly. “It’s my favorite! I love you, Mom.”
I press my hand against my heart. “I love you too, baby.”
I swear I can hear him roll his eyes as he calls out to me, “Moooooom!”
“What? You’ll always be my baby.”
I head to the kitchen to wash up before fixing dinner. I’m hoping this guilty feeling goes away soon. You’re making the right decision. I keep saying it over and over to myself, hoping that eventually I’ll start to believe it.
Chapter 6
King
For a week now, all I’ve thought about is Elijah’s mom, or Natalie, as Olivia called her. I fucked up. I know I did. And if Bronco hadn’t been sick that day, I would have apologized. I’ve thought about it a hundred times already, and I almost went into town to apologize to her, but I knew that would cause more problems than it would help. As soon as people knew I’d sought her out, the gossip would start. And not that the people of Whiskey Valley are mean-spirited or anything, but people would be dying to know what’s going on, and the fact is, Natalie would receive the brunt of it.
On the first day of camp, I’m standing outside of the barn watching as people pull in. We have Alan and a few other ranch hands meeting the parents as they drop off the kids, and one by one, they get out, and the parents drive off. I watch until the very last car in line drives away. I stand in the same spot for five more minutes when Alan passes me by. “Is that all of them?” I ask him.