I glanced back at the screen, pausing. Tally stared out the window, a wistful look on her face, and I wondered what she was thinking. What did she long for out there that caused her such sadness?
I switched off the monitor. Once again, I reminded myself it wasn’t my business.
I wasn’t in the position to be anything other than a boss to her. She was young, still looking for her life, and already fearful. The only thing I could offer her was a tenuous, complicated relationship, more fear, and the repercussions of being involved with me. It was too dangerous. Her words, “I hate violence,” said it all.
The arguing voice in my head told me that no one could protect her better than I could. That with me in her life, her fear could be eased. The sadness drained from her eyes.
I had to ignore that voice.
It was nothing but a hopeful lie.
For the next two weeks, I managed to be exactly what I had set out to be—Taliyah’s boss. I was courteous, respectful, and distant. The way I had been with every one of the women who had come before her. I forced myself not to go to her desk. I got my own coffee. I used the intercom and kept my door shut. Distance was what I needed to get over this little fascination with her. That was all, I convinced myself. If she noticed anything different, she never said a word. She did her job efficiently, and when she wasn’t busy for me, she worked on some online course she was taking. I resisted mirroring her screen to see what it was about. I found it more difficult than I expected. Somehow, simply being close to her seemed to bring me a calm I had never experienced. Gaining a rare smile from her made my chest warm. I found I hated Wednesdays—the one day she wasn’t in the office. Even with my limited contact with her, the place seemed emptier and incomplete without her around. I wondered how long I could keep up feigning indifference.
There was a knock at my door Thursday morning, and I called out for her to enter. She stepped in, looking hesitant.
“Yes, Taliyah?”
“Ah, my boss at 7&7 just called and asked if I could cover tonight and the afternoon shift tomorrow. One of the other bartenders just quit.”
“I see.”
“I can come in for the morning tomorrow and make up the other hours next week. I’m caught up on the schedule, and payroll isn’t until Monday.”
“Sure, that’s fine. So, you’re leaving early?” I asked, tamping down my disappointment.
“Just an hour or so. I need to go home and get my uniform.”
“Right. That’s fine,” I assured her. “I have an outside meeting in the morning, so I will see you Monday.” I glanced at my watch. “In fact, I have one shortly, so I’ll say goodbye now, and I’ll head out soon. Be sure to lock the place up when you leave.”
She paused as if she was about to say something, then changed her mind.
“Have a good weekend, Julian.”
I smiled benignly. “You as well.”
She left, shutting the door behind her. I gathered my things and, keeping up the charade, used the door to the hall, shutting it loudly so she would hear it, and heading to the other doorway, slipping inside the Hidden Justice room. Damien was already waiting, full of information. Grateful for the distraction, I pushed aside all other thoughts and got down to business.
Late Friday night, I stepped from my car, my head filled with the images I had seen. The sights and smells of those raids never got easier. They wore on a man, and tonight, I was feeling it all the way down into my bones. Marcus and Matteo had been right when they stepped away, citing the fact that this was a never-ending job. For every horror show we shut down, another sprang up. I had never been out in the field the way they were. My old injuries precluded me from being effective that way, but the last while, I had joined in more raids, and it was draining me. The darkness swirled around in my brain, and I didn’t seem to be able to turn it off. I felt a disconnect, a sadness I couldn’t manage to shake.
I paused on the way to the elevator. Upstairs, my apartment was empty. Dark. The refrigerator no doubt containing whatever leftovers I had shoved in it last week, probably no longer palatable. It wasn’t food I wanted so much as some human contact. Something that would connect me back to this world. I turned and headed up the ramp and onto the street. Before I even realized where I was going, I was in front of 7&7. I peered inside the bar, noting it was busy but not crazy. I pulled open the door and headed straight to the bar, taking a seat on the end.