“I’m sorry?” I offered. I was sorry I had gotten drunk and made an idiot of myself. I wasn’t sorry about holding her all night. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in months. No nightmares or images filtering through my mind. No restlessness.
“Why did you get so drunk last night?” she asked.
“Bad day.”
“Not good enough.”
“That’s all I can say. I’m sorry I was such a handful, but really, it’s none of your concern.”
She met my gaze with her own, not backing down. “None of my concern? You come to my bar, get drunk, and practically beg me to stay with you, and it’s none of my concern? I beg to differ, Julian. It’s very much my concern.”
I ran a hand over my face. “Leave it, Tally. It won’t happen again.”
“I don’t get you,” she replied. “You’re hot and cold. One moment, you’re teasing and nice. Then you’re removed and distant. Every day, you say something, do something, to make me smile, and then you disappear as if I insulted you.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand you, Julian.”
“I don’t understand myself,” I muttered.
“Some days, I think you regret hiring me.”
“No,” I swiftly denied. “I don’t. It’s-it’s complicated, Tally. I have to be your boss. That’s it. I’m sorry for my behavior, and if it’s made you question working for me, I understand. But it won’t happen again.”
“You won’t tell me why?”
I shut my eyes, my mind once again swimming with the images and sounds of yesterday.
“I had to…help someone with a bad situation. Really bad. It bothered me more than I wanted to admit.”
She was quiet for a moment, then spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have gone to your bar and gotten drunk. I shouldn’t have made you responsible for me and my welfare. I’m sorry.”
She slid from my bed, smoothing down her wrinkled shirt. “I would rather you did that than go somewhere else where you may have been in danger. The city isn’t a safe place, Julian.”
It was all I could do not to laugh at her words. She had no idea. Instead, I dropped my head and nodded.
“I hope you have a better day,” she said quietly.
I startled at the feel of her fingers on the back of my neck. I loved how they felt playing with my hair.
“Get some rest and drink lots of water.”
Then she was gone. I listened to the pad of her footsteps walking through the apartment, not stopping anywhere, not investigating. She had to be the most un-curious woman I had ever met. I heard the sound of the door opening and shutting and the muted click of the automatic lock. I flopped back on the pillow, rolling and grabbing the one she had lain on, inhaling her sweet scent.
She had looked after me, was concerned. Her closeness had banished the dark and given me rest. Her touch eased the turmoil and brought me peace. I wanted her back there, in my bed, wrapped close to me. I wanted to feel her gentle touch again, soothing me.
I barked out a humorless laugh.
So much for not getting involved.
It was a long day of meetings and going through the raid the night before. As usual, I dressed in my suit, carried my gun and a secreted blade as I did when I had anything to do with Hidden Justice. It was an image the men relied on. When I was finally free, it was late evening, and I was restless. I drove my car around aimlessly, trying to clear my head.
Trying to stop myself from complicating matters any more than I already had.
I failed.
I lasted until ten o’clock, then I headed to the bar again, parking my car down the block. The seat I had sat in last night was empty, the bar busier this evening. A small group of bikers was in the corner holding court, loud, obnoxious, and insistent. I had noticed their bikes parked in front of the bar, some illegally on the sidewalk.
Tally was busy pouring pitchers of beer, filling orders, the other bartender busy as well. Tally’s hair was in a long braid hanging over her shoulder, and I noticed she had on tights under her shorts. Her legs still looked spectacular. So did her ass. I slipped into the seat, waiting patiently until she found my gaze. Her eyes widened, and I shook my head, offering a silent promise not to repeat last night’s behavior.
But I’d had to see her. I had struggled all day not to call her. Not to beg her to come see me. She had looked exhausted this morning, and I knew my behavior had caused a lack of sleep for her so I didn’t want to disturb her. I was going to wait until Monday, but I didn’t want this discussion to happen in the office, and I had finally admitted I couldn’t even wait until Sunday.