He let go of her face to brush a thumb over her bottom lip. “That’s how you need to let go.” He pushed her glassed back onto her face and smoothed his hands over her shoulders. “Think about how it felt when we kissed. Open your chest, and the rest will follow.”
He sounded so sure.
“I still don’t want to do it.”
“If not for yourself, do it for me.”
He smoothed his hands down her back to cup her ass. He gave each cheek a squeeze, making her inhale sharply.
Lowering his lips to her ear, he whispered, “Still hurts?”
She could only nod, her skin contracting with goosebumps as he rubbed his palms in slow circles over her battered curves.
He planted a kiss in her neck. “Thank you.”
She pulled back to look at him. “For what?”
“For not saying anything about the voices.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
He leaned his forehead against hers and blew out a breath. “You’ve always been good at keeping secrets. You never told anyone, not even me.”
“What secret are you talking about?”
“The biggest one, the one about what your mom put you through.”
She wiggled out of his embrace. “I don’t want to talk about that.”
“I’m sorry for being an asshole this morning.” He intertwined their fingers, pulling her arms around him. “I don’t want you to see me like that because I know what you think.”
“What do I think?”
“That I’m bat shit crazy like your mom.”
“Don’t say that, and it’s not what I think. You’re different, that’s all. What makes me angry is when you act like a jerk.”
“It won’t happen, again. I took my frustration out on you. My only intention is to make it feel so good that you’ll never look at another man.”
An image of Henry flashed through her mind, followed by the memory of last night’s conversation with Zach. With Henry, she felt safe and comfortable. Zach made her laugh. Ivan didn’t make her laugh, and she never felt more unsafe than when his clothes came off, but it was the biggest high of her life, an addictive fix no one but Ivan understood. He could give her what she needed because he knew her and understood what it was like. He’d suffered more than her. He knew the kind of pain that could feel good and take suffering away.
His smile disappeared. “You’re thinking of someone else.”
There was no point in denying. He’d see the lie in her eyes.
“How many men did you sleep with after me?” he asked darkly.
“Not many.”
“I want a number.”
“It doesn’t concern you. We weren’t together.”
“Two? Ten?”
“How about you, Ivan? If I pose the question, what will you tell me? Thirty? Fifty? Three hundred? A girl for every day of the year, that’s what the articles say. Believe me, this isn’t somewhere we want to go.”
She tried to untangle her arms from behind his back, but he grabbed her wrists and kept them there. “I say we do.”
There was no point in fighting him. He’d eventually get his way, like he always did.
“Three,” she said softly.
“Boyfriends?”
“Two. The third was a one-night stand.”
“Did they make you scream?”
“No.”
He let go of her wrists to brush a thumb over her cheek. “No one knows how to make you scream like I do, Princess. You were always meant to be mine.”
“I could’ve been with someone. What if I married while you were gone?”
“Wouldn’t have made a difference. I would’ve taken you, regardless.”
He placed emphasis on the last word, sending a shiver down her spine. “Do you always take what you want?”
“Only when the stakes are this high.”
“What are the stakes in this case? Revenge? You want to hurt my dad by showing him you can control his little girl, even after all these years? You want to punish me for what my dad did to you? I think you’re doing whatever it is you’re doing for all the wrong reasons. You don’t care about me, not really. If you do, you’ll set me free from this physical thing we’ve got going.”
“Not an option. The only person I had on my mind for the last nine years was you.”
“If it was me you had on your mind, how come you’ve screwed everything in a dress from here to America?”
His wise eyes crinkled in the corners. “Jealous, Princess?” He brushed his lips over hers. “I’ve never done with them what I do with you.”
“What do you do with them?”
“What did I used to do with them,” he corrected. “There’s only you, now.”
She stared at him in disbelief. With all the fans he had, the young and beautiful girls offering their bodies, someone like her would never be enough.
He searched her eyes. “I could give you details, if you wish. I have no problem telling you exactly what happened in my bed.”
The thought was too painful. “No, thanks. I can do without the juicy details.”