The insight of what he was trying to achieve hit her like a sledgehammer. “That’s your plan? You think if I’m no longer insecure, I won’t want to be loved, get married, and have children?”
“I was hoping, yeah.”
She pulled free. “We can’t carry on like this. We’re both in denial. You’re refusing to see what I want, and I’m refusing to acknowledge what you can’t give.”
“Don’t.” He took her hands and arranged her arms around his waist. “Let’s not talk about this until after the show.”
One of them had to give, and she already knew it wasn’t going to be Ivan. She closed her eyes. “You’re right. Talking isn’t getting us anywhere. We should focus on the show and helping Cain to find Godfrey.”
He kissed her forehead. “I’ll call you later.”
Alice left the building in a trance. She had the strange notion of living on borrowed time. It had to be the knowledge that, however powerful the chemistry between her and Ivan, come the end of the concert, he was leaving alone. She would say yes to Henry and build a new future, healing one day at a time. A man like Ivan didn’t come twice. That was why she couldn’t move on, couldn’t get into another relationship, and couldn’t stop feeling lonely. She’d better get used to it, because nine years had taught her the pain wasn’t going away. But nine years had also taught her she was stronger than she thought. She could survive.
She only realized she’d walked straight past the SUV when Joss honked the horn.
The office would bring welcome relief from Alice’s love dilemma. She was looking forward to burying herself in work, but when she entered the marketing offices, Mandy waited for her with a newspaper clipping.
She pushed the article under Alice’s nose. “Ivan is screwing around.”
Alice regarded it absent-mindedly. It was a photo of Ivan’s groupies leaving his building.
Too exhausted to set Mandy right, not that she could think up an excuse, Alice dropped down in her chair. Another bouquet of twelve roses stood on her desk. Again, there was no card.
Mandy propped her hands on her hips. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
“What Ivan does is none of our business.”
The desk phone rang. Thankful for the diversion, Alice picked up the receiver, which left Mandy with no choice but to give her privacy.
“Hey,” Henry said. “You didn’t say you were going out of town. I called your office and Johnny said you needed a break from technology and telephone calls, so I didn’t interrupt your breakaway.”
Bless Johnny’s soul. “It was very last-minute.”
“If you didn’t work, check emails, or surf the net, you must’ve had plenty of time to think.”
“Actually, I avoided thinking.”
“No answer for me, yet?”
“I need more time.”
“How long?”
“Until after the concert.”
“I have my kids this weekend. I was thinking of inviting you to meet them, but I don’t want to introduce you until you’ve made up your mind.”
“I understand. Shouldn’t I meet them before you make up your mind? They may hate me.”
“They’re teenagers, out of the house so to speak. Their opinion isn’t going to change my decision.”
“I think you’re right. It’s wiser for us to wait before I meet your family.”
“I had fertility tests done. My sperm count is high enough to give you a child, if you wish, provided we don’t wait too long.”
The clinical way he relayed the news shocked her, not that she could hold it against him. He was discussing a business proposal, not making a love declaration.
“Good.” She cleared her throat. “Thanks for going to the trouble.”
“I’d like for you to have blood tests done. It’s not like I don’t trust you to be clean, but if you slept with Ivan…”
Her cheeks heated with embarrassment and annoyance. “Anything else?”
“Don’t be like that. You’ve always been a practical girl.”
She closed her eyes and counted to ten.
“Alice?”
“You’re right. I’ll take care of it.”
“Can I see you tonight?”
“We have the dress rehearsal, and I’ve got the photo shoot scheduled.”
“Good luck, then. Call me if you decide sooner.”
She cut the call and wiped a hand over her face. When she looked up, Johnny leaned in her door.
His lips quirked. “Henry?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, the man is serious. I mean, a sperm count and blood tests?”
“Did you listen in on my call?” she cried out.
“I thought it was for me.”
“You’re evil.”
He checked his watch. “You’re late for choir practice. Your maestro called and asked me to tell you if you don’t have your butt over there in the next ten minutes, he’s cancelling.”
She groaned. “To think I did this to myself.”
“Beautiful flowers,” he said as she slipped past him.
Nearing the rehearsal room, her step slowed. Ivan leaned on the wall, a red rose clutched in his hand. He watched her with burning intensity until she stopped in front of him.
“Ivan…” Her voice faltered. “What are you doing?”