Revived (The Dungeon Black Duology 2)

Max blinked. “You’re gonna be backpacking across Europe?” His brows rose, then furrowed. “You packed a rucksack of clothes but couldn’t pack your toothbrush?”

Sean’s chest tightened. He frowned. “I was really fucking upset… and even my toothbrush reminded me of you.”

Max’s scowl evaporated. “Oh.”

Sean chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah. How pathetic is that? I think about you even when I’m brushing my teeth.”

“Don’t sweat it,” Max muttered. “Pretty sure I have you beat.”

Sean stilled and stared at him, then smiled. “For real?”

“Fuck, yeah. I think about you when I’m teaching and cleaning and showering and eating… Hell, I even fucking think about you when I’m peeing.”

Sean laughed. Couldn’t help it. Must be the beer. “Peeing? Fuck, Max. I’m not even gonna ask.”

Max’s lips curved a little. “Probably a good idea.”

Sean willed his dick not to harden. Averting his gaze, he shook his head. “At any rate, I eventually came to the realization that no matter what stuff I left behind or gave away, or what alternate trip I decided to take, it wouldn’t matter. The effort would be futile. Because, shit, the very fact that I was in Europe instead of Australia—brushing my teeth with a new toothbrush—would be a reminder in itself. That I was in that place, brushing my teeth with that toothbrush, for the sole fucking purpose of trying to forget you.”

Sean sighed. He was an idiot for thinking that any of that would’ve worked. He was also an idiot for having told Max as much just now. He didn’t want Max to see him as some lovesick moron. And he sure as shit didn’t want the man’s pity. Guess he’d chalk that one up to the beer buzz, too.

Max didn’t say anything. Sean looked back at him and stilled. Max was staring at him intently, with the most troubled fucking eyes.

“What?” Sean frowned.

Max shook his head. “I’m sorry. For fucking up your summer. For fucking up your head. For stealing your fucking happy. Goddamn, Sean. I’m so sorry for all of it.”

Sean gazed at him. Max’s tone was so genuine and soft. So sad and so undeniably contrite. It made Sean’s chest ache in a whole different way. Made him want to forgive Max for everything, because he loved him, regardless of the hell he put them through, and didn’t want to see the man hurting.

“I know you are,” Sean murmured. “But I’m to blame, too. I pushed too hard. Couldn’t accept no for an answer. It was just so foreign, not getting what I’d set my sights on. No matter what I did, you wouldn’t love me.” He glanced away again, chuckling in spite of himself. “So friggin’ arrogant. Totally set myself up.”

Again, Max didn’t reply right away, then out of nowhere, pulled Sean back into his arms. “I was so fucking stupid, cat... So fucking stupid.” He exhaled raggedly, his hot breath kissing Sean’s skin. “Jesus God… I thought I’d lost you… Thought you were… fuck… Thought you were gone.”

Sean hugged him back, feeling like shit for scaring the crap out him, but honestly, he didn’t understand. How could Max truly think he’d do such a thing? Sean would never ever resort to those measures.

Insides restless, he turned his head and nuzzled Max’s hair. “Why, Max? Why on earth would you think that I’d do that?”

“I told you why.”

“But you know me. You know that’s not who I am.” It didn’t add up. Max was a smart, rational guy. Sean leaned back and looked at him. Frowned. “I don’t get it.”

Max met his gaze, then right before Sean’s eyes, his expression morphed to that of pure distress. “I wasn’t thinking straight… As soon as Jonah told me I just… I just snapped.” His jaw ticked. His brows pinched. He swallowed. “I’ve got a history.”

Sean’s mouth went slack. “With suicide?”

Max nodded once.

Shit. Had Max tried to take his life? When his boyfriend died or something? “Who?” Sean asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Kevin.”

Sean eased a little. Thank fuck. But then understanding dawned. Oh, God. He stilled as everything—fucking everything—fell into place, Max’s behavior suddenly making utter sense.

Oh, God… No wonder… No wonder he was… Oh, God…

Sean’s heart clenched in sympathy. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard that must’ve wrecked Max. On every fucking level. In every possible way.

“Shit, Max. I’m sorry… That’s… God, that’s fucking horrible.”

Another small nod. More jaw-muscle ticks. “Yeah. It sucked. But I survived.” Max held Sean’s gaze, his green eyes intense. “I wouldn’t have with you, though. You would’ve been my end.”

No. No way. Max was too fucking strong.

Sean sighed. “Max, come on. If you could survive losing a guy you loved as much as Kevin, you could survive fucking anything. You would’ve been fine.”

“No.” Max shook his head, his expression rock solid. “You’re wrong. You’re different.”

Sean canted his head and frowned. “How could I possibly be that different?”