But with a new grimace, Hawk girded his loins, so to speak. Until recently he’d been content with the cold, gray emptiness of his life, and he could be so again.
It would be kinder to Skye to terminate their affair now before he gave her any more pain—and kinder to himself before she became any more vital to him.
Upon finding Skye conferring with the staff in the kitchens, he asked for a moment of her time and drew her into the nearest private room, which happened to be the housekeeper’s office. When she gave a small laugh at his choice of a meeting place, Hawk realized how much he would miss that sound.
His silence must have puzzled Skye for her expectant smile dimmed as she gazed up at him. “Why are you wearing such a grim look? Has something happened?”
In the end, Hawk chose the cleanest method of breaking his news: swiftly and dispassionately. “I wanted to inform you that I am leaving this afternoon. Sir Gawain Olwen called a short while ago, and I mean to return to London with him. It is long past time that I begin courting his great-niece.”
Skye’s smile faded altogether. “Do you truly wish to marry her, Hawk?”
“Yes,” he said after only the slightest hesitation.
Her skepticism showed. “I cannot believe it.”
Hawk purposely kept his reply clipped. “You’ve known from the first that I have obligations and what my plan was.”
“Yes, but I hoped … expected that I could change your mind.”
“That isn’t possible. In order to lead the Guardians, I must wed Miss Olwen.”
“And you mean to accept such a cold fate?” Skye’s blue eyes were suddenly hot and bright with unshed tears. “If you don’t wish to marry her, why would you torture yourself that way?”
Hawk’s own chest grew tight. Pushing Skye away was the right step, the honorable step, but that didn’t keep him from wanting to haul her close and tangle his fingers in her hair while kissing her to offer her comfort.
His silence was damning, however.
“Hawk, please … consider what you are doing.” There was real despair in her tone now.
He hated the hurt in her voice. Wanting to ease it, he stepped closer and reached up to trace a fingertip over her cheekbone.
A mistake, he realized when she closed her hand over his with an almost desperate tightness. “Hawk … I know you want to please your mentor, but isn’t it time that you think of yourself? That you live your own life instead of a life dedicated to others? Haven’t you punished yourself enough for failing to save your family?”
“I don’t intend to argue with you, sweetheart,” he said gently.
“Then don’t argue, just listen. I can understand if you don’t want to marry me … if you could never love me—”
“My decision has nothing to do with love.”
“But shouldn’t it? Love should be an important consideration when you marry.”
“Not in this case.”
She took a deep breath, obviously struggling for composure. “I realize how difficult it would be to let yourself love again. I felt the same fear after my parents died. But how much worse is it to deny yourself the chance for love? Look at my uncle and Rachel, how much time and happiness they lost. What happened to them was a tragedy.”
The parallels were unmistakable but made no difference to his future. Carefully but firmly, he withdrew his hand from her grasp.
>
Her eyes were filled with despairing futility, but in typical Skye fashion, she was unwilling to give up. “We both know that life is too short and precious to waste, Hawk. I wish I could make you see that—”
A soft rap on the door interrupted her passionate argument. Skye look startled for a moment, then clamped her lips together to hold back what might have been a scream of frustration.
When Hawk curtly bid entrance, the door opened and the housekeeper thrust her head inside the room.
“Begging you pardon, m’lord, but you said you wished to know if Lord Farnwell ever called. He has, and he insists on speaking to Miss Farnwell.”
“Where is he now?”