Heath intended to honor Fanny’s plea, not because he thought it was the best course, but because he didn’t want Fanny going there alone and making a bargain she would come to regret. He needed to be convinced that O’Rourke would honor his word this time.
Moreover, Heath reflected grimly, dealing with Fanny’s troubles had the advantage of taking his mind off the fear and frustration engendered by his damnable stalemate with Lily.
Another fitful night of tossing and turning left Lily feeling morose and restless when she woke. And vexingly, her low spirits continued the entire morning and into the afternoon. The boardinghouse seemed overly quiet after the tumultuous events of yesterday, but she had politely declined Fleur and Chantel’s invitation for a shopping excursion on Bond Street, courtesy of Lord Poole.
Settling in the parlor downstairs, Lily tried to occupy herself by reading, but she discovered that concentrating on a printed page was nearly impossible. Her emotions were in too much turmoil.
She was still struggling against her uncharacteristic depression when Peg Wallace sought her out just after luncheon.
The girl was beaming with shy happiness as she shared her good news. “I came to thank you, Miss Loring, from the bottom of my heart. Madame Gautier offered me a position as her assistant, and the pay is substantial enough to allow me to leave the Royal Opera. I gave notice last night.”
“Why, that is wonderful, Peg,” Lily responded warmly. “I am so pleased for you.”
“And Betty Dunst sent word that her employment at Lord Claybourne’s estate is ‘wonderous fine.’ Those are her exact words. She is aiding the third gardener in the conservatory. You are a true angel, Miss Loring.”
At the undue praise, Lily laughed faintly. “I am no angel, Peg, I assure you. I only wanted you both to have better lives.”
“And you made it possible. No one else cared enough to help us. You are an angel-and so is his lordship. Will you please thank him for me?”
Lily’s smile faded. “I will be sure to tell him when I see him again.”
If I ever see him again, she added to herself once Peg had gone.
Lily wasn’t certain that would happen. She was only certain that Heath’s withdrawal had left her feeling forlorn and miserable. She already missed him after barely a day.
A wretched sign, Lily thought, wincing. If she was feeling so distraught after so short a time, how could she bear to end their relationship altogether?
But Heath was giving her no choice. Her only course would be to accept his proposal of marriage, and she couldn’t bring herself to risk it.
What she would do with her future instead, however, remained the question.
Since her childhood she had wanted to travel and explore, to lose herself in a world of excitement and adventure. But now she had a different desire. Now she very much wanted to start a home for unfortunate women.
Helping those poor girls escape a life of poverty and prostitution could become a passion for her, Lily knew. Her own life had always seemed rather superficial and shallow before, but now she had the chance to do something truly meaningful, something she would find greatly fulfilling.
Even if it might not totally fill the emptiness she was feeling at just this moment.
And where she would live was yet another question, Lily reminded herself. She couldn’t stay here at the boardinghouse with Fleur and Chantel forever-and in truth, there was no reason for her to remain, since her friends were safe from O’Rourke’s threats of imprisonment.
Admittedly, returning to Danvers Hall to live with Arabella and Marcus held little appeal, although Lily knew they would gladly welcome her. But not only would she feel sadly de trop, she believed the newlyweds deserved time to themselves if their union was to have the best chance of prospering.
Perhaps, Lily mused, she could move in with Tess-her lovely house in Chiswick had ample room. Chiswick would be close enough to London for her to carry out plans for starting a charity home for women. And living quietly in the country might allow her the chance to recover from her heartbreak…
There, she had finally said it, Lily acknowledged, shutting her eyes. She had admitted that her heart was breaking. All because Heath intended to cut her out of his life.
Realizing how pitifully weak that made her seem, Lily shook her head while fiercely chiding herself. She could not let herself wallow in this deplorable state, pining after a man who didn’t want her. Yearning for his friendship, for his touch, for the simple joy his nearness brought her.
No, Lily vowed fervently, she had to regain control of herself and her pathetic emotions. Which meant that she couldn’t stay here, where she would constantly be reminded of Heath. She had to make a fresh start. And she would have to keep so busy, she would be too tired to dwell on her loss.
Jumping up from her seat, Lily left the parlor, determined to go upstairs and pack so that she could be ready to leave for Chiswick first thing in the morning.
She had just reached the entrance hall when she encountered Fleur and Chantel as they arrived home from their shopping expedition. Despite the courtesans’ entreaties to join them for tea and help them to entertain Lord Poole, Lily politely declined rather than endure their blithe cheerfulness.
To her dismay, however, she made little progress on her vow to dismiss Heath or her heartache from her mind while she was packing.
Then a short while later, Basil startled her by rapping hard on her open bedchamber door and stalking into the room without even waiting for her to bid him entrance.
“Women! I will never understand them!” he exclaimed, flinging himself into the single chair.