Damien was a jaded libertine, perhaps, but not nearly as wanton and decadent as she’d originally thought. He wasn’t totally wicked. No one who saw his deep regard for his sister could believe him beyond redemption.
Still, he could be so much more, do so much more with his life. With his wealth and position, he could accomplish a vast deal of good. But he would need a reason to change. She held little hope that the unattainable Lord Sin would ever lose his heart to her, or any other woman. He would never allow it. Unless…
At the thought of Damien falling in love, yearning sprang up in Vanessa, so sudden and sharp it frightened her. Relentlessly, though, she forced the treacherous feeling aside. She couldn’t afford nonsensical romantic dreams.
No, the best she could hope for was a swift end to their relationship. It was time she went to London, time she attempted to fix the attentions of a wealthy admirer.
Only then could she move on with her life. Only then could she try to forget she had ever known the magical enchantment of the wicked Lord Sin.
The journey to London was pleasant enough, if Vanessa overlooked Damien’s growing remoteness as the drive wore on. He gave her little time to rest upon arriving. When he conveyed her directly to the Rutherford town house, she made do with the skeleton staff to bathe and change her attire.
An hour later he escorted her to a play at the Drury Lane Theatre, and then to the Green Room afterward, so that she could observe how the actresses made assignations with young bucks vying for their favors. Afterward he returned her home with scarcely a word.
The next night they made the rounds of the gaming hells, where high-stakes gambling was de rigueur.
“It would be wise of you,” Damien advised, “to learn the rules of various games of chance. If your patron holds a fondness for cards, you might spend many of your evenings in establishments such as this.”
Vanessa felt her heart twist in her chest, not due so much to the future Damien envisioned for her, as to his evident indifference. His gaze seemed flat and cold, his tenderness nonexistent. She found it difficult to hide her despair, yet she forced herself to keep up the bright pretense of enjoying their outings.
The following evening they attended a masquerade ball, where she could watch the flirtations of not-quite-respectable ladies and their chosen victims-to see how a straw damsel in search of a protector flashed her fine feathers so as to make the best possible arrangement.
The object of these excursions, Damien maintained, was to show her the life she would lead as a member of the demimonde. It was an elegant shadow world of passion and pleasure, a debauched realm in which he moved with as much ease as he did the glittering, golden arena of the ton. It seemed a mirror image of polite society; here gentlemen remained faithful to their mistresses, and wives were held in relatively low esteem.
&nbs
p; To make her aware of the dangers inherent in her new profession, Damien also gave her a glimpse of Covent Garden, the notorious site of the lucrative flesh trade of the lower orders. Vanessa saw procuresses who looked as innocent as nuns and common streetware whose lives were often short and violent.
She counted herself fortunate that while she had chosen to sell herself to the highest bidder, it was her choice, under conditions of luxury and independence.
She was fortunate, as well, to have Damien as her tutor.
If he disapproved of her choice, he gave no indication of it. If there were times when she caught a glimpse of some other darker emotion in his eyes-a hint of bleakness, of anger-she decided she must have imagined it.
Her days were as fully occupied as her nights. To add to her feathered plumes, Damien took her to a discreet modiste patronized by demireps, where Vanessa was fitted for attire specifically designed for the boudoir, as well as evening gowns that were more risque than those she was accustomed to wearing. One of the articles he ordered for her particularly disturbed her because of its intimacy-a pair of white doeskin garters exquisitely embroidered with gold roses.
When she protested his exorbitant expenditures, however, Damien shrugged in his charming, graceful way and said, “Consider it remuneration for your excellent care of my sister.”
Uncomfortable about becoming even more indebted to him, Vanessa kept a careful account of his gifts, hoping to reimburse him someday. The jewelry he gave her, however, was far more lavish than she could ever repay.
On the evening he escorted her to the pleasure gardens at Vauxhall, Damien presented her with an exquisite emerald necklace and bracelet set to match one of the new gowns he had bought for her, and wouldn’t hear of a refusal.
Vanessa managed to don the bracelet herself, but when she fumbled with the clasp of the necklace, Damien came to her aid. She found herself trembling as his cool fingers fastened the jewels around her throat. It was the most intimate contact she’d had with him since arriving in London. Each night he had left her at her doorstep alone, and had made no move even to touch her, let alone share her bed.
Bleakly, she told herself to be grateful he had ended their physical intimacy. It was far better for them both to put a wide distance between them. Yet she missed his sensual warmth, missed the charming, caring lover she had once known-with an intensity that left her aching.
“You ought not have been so extravagant,” she murmured in a futile attempt to distract her thoughts.
“It is no more than I would have done for any mistress,” he replied coolly.
Flinching, Vanessa turned to face him. He was breathtakingly handsome, impossibly elegant, in a tailored blue coat and cream brocade waistcoat. And as cold as a statue.
It devastated her to be reminded how little she meant to him, that she was only one in a long line of women. She didn’t want his gifts of jewelry. She wanted his friendship, his tenderness, his… love. Sweet mercy…
She stood frozen as he slid her emerald satin evening cloak over her bare shoulders. When he offered his arm, she took it in a daze and allowed him to escort her to the waiting carriage. Settling back against the squabs, Vanessa remained silent as she struggled with her desperate thoughts.
She had realized the terrible truth in a paralyzing instant. Against all dictates of wisdom or sense, against the stronger instincts of self-preservation, she had fallen in love with Damien.
All these weeks she had lied to herself, denying how much he fascinated her, bewitched her, ensnared her. His keen wit, his captivating charm, his affection for his sister, his consideration for her fears… there was so much to love about him. She had lost her heart to the tender lover who had so deftly taught her a woman’s passions and set her free of her fears.