Ecstasy (Notorious 4)

Staunchly she swallowed the rawness in her throat and tried again. “Kell, there was nothing more you could have done.”

“I could have done more to help him. I should have done more.”

“He would not allow you to. Sean wanted to die, Kell. He gave you no choice.”

“He did give me a choice.” Kell’s voice was no more than a whisper. “I chose you.”

The edge of bitterness in his tone struck her like a blow. He blamed her for Sean’s death? She couldn’t refute the charge, certainly. Their marriage had indeed led to Sean’s demise, at least indirectly. If she hadn’t come between the two brothers, Sean would still be alive. If Kell had never wed her in the first place…

“Do you hate me?” she ask

ed, the question dredged from her throat.

“No. Not you.” His reply was so quiet, she wondered if she could believe him.

“I hate myself,” he added. “I can’t forgive myself.”

“Kell…”

He held up a hand, as if he couldn’t bear to listen to another word.

Kell was flaying himself with guilt, Raven knew. He wouldn’t accept her comfort. She couldn’t heal his hurt. Nor could she defend herself if he held her to blame for his brother’s tragic end.

At least Kell wouldn’t be charged with murder. There had been witnesses to Sean’s death; a half a dozen servants could attest to the fight between the brothers. There was sure to be an investigation into Michael O’Malley’s murder, though, and in all likelihood, Sean would be exposed as the groom’s killer.

It was even possible the truth about their uncle’s death would eventually come out. She doubted Kell would volunteer the information. He wouldn’t reveal Sean’s crimes to the world. He would continue letting everyone think him a murderer.

But now wasn’t the time to argue with him over such remote possibilities.

His next words, however, filled her with dread. “I want you to go home, Raven. I will have my carriage return you to London.”

Her hand stole to her stomach, pressing there, trying to quell the disquiet roiling inside her. “You won’t come with me?”

“No. I can’t.”

“What will you do, then?”

“I need to find Sean’s body…make arrangements for his burial. I suppose I will take him back to Ireland. Perhaps his soul can find peace there.”

And will you ever find peace? Raven wanted to ask. “And after that…?”

“I don’t know.”

Perhaps her dread was unfounded, she tried to tell herself. Possibly Kell only needed time to grieve for his brother. Time to deal with his own devils, his guilt and regret.

Or perhaps it was more ominous. He might be sending her away because he wanted nothing more to do with her. Despite his often brusque demeanor, Kell was a gallant man. He wouldn’t tell her if he couldn’t bear the sight of her.

Kell turned then and moved toward her. Raven held her breath, but he didn’t pause. Without a word, without even a glance, he brushed past her and left the room.

She bent her head, trying not to cry. Perhaps Sean had won after all, even in death.

Raven shivered violently. She didn’t think she would ever be warm again.

She returned to London alone, as Kell wished. The journey was almost as wretched as her last one, when she’d been at the mercy of a madman, but this time her misery was not physical. The pain and fear she’d experienced during the grueling hours of her abduction couldn’t possibly compare to the torment in her heart now, for Raven couldn’t shake the conviction that she had lost Kell.

When she arrived in London, it was to face a full-blown scandal. The murder of her groom, her own abduction, the death of her brother-in-law, her husband’s apparent abandonment-none of that could be quietly swept under the carpet.

She had few allies to console her, either, for her closest friends were still away. Brynn had retired to the Wycliff family seat with Lucian for the final months of her confinement, although Lucian’s work at the Foreign Office would require his frequent presence in London. Dare reportedly was following his rakish pursuits in the north.