It’s not about the actual pickup line—hell, no. Do I look stupid? It’s in the delivery. Always in the delivery. Girls love a sense of humor; they love a guy confident enough to put his balls against the wall while she holds the only hammer capable of smashing them to tiny bits.
Jason thought it was about the pickup line.
No, my 70 percent success rate had everything to do with how I made the girl feel important.
So basically he was going to look like an ass.
I was so ready for that front-row seat. Hell, where was the popcorn?
“Look, there’s one.” I pointed to a lonesome girl sitting at the bar. She had that slouched, pouty look about her. Her eyes kept darting from her drink to the bartender, then back to her drink, fingernails tapping against the glass in a smooth cadence. By the looks of it, she’d had a really long day and was feeling slightly insecure, and it was possible she had just been stood up.
“Cake.” Jason patted me on the chest twice before walking up to her. I followed him but took a seat a few chairs down. I wanted to actually hear the slap when it happened.
“So.” Jason cleared his throat. “In honor of saving water, from here on out, I think you should just shower with me.” His smile was huge.
The woman, however, looked like she wanted to stab him.
“Ha-ha.” Jason leaned forward. “I’m Jason.” He held out his hand.
She stared at it like he was diseased and then glared.
And that’s my cue. Without wasting any time, I walked up to the girl, put my arm around her, and said, “Hey baby, is this asshole bothering you?” Jason’s eyes went wide as saucers, and he lunged for me, but Colt held him back and led him away.
“Yeah.” She relaxed beneath my arm. “Thanks.”
Once they were out of earshot, I pulled my arm away and looked at her drink. Scotch, interesting choice. “Hey.” I tapped the bar. “Get the woman a double. She just had a drunk guy with limp dick hit on her.”
Swearing was heard behind me. I had to fight to keep from laughing out loud.
“Thank you.” She exhaled. “I hate creeps.”
“Oh.” I sat on the stool next to her. “Me too. It seems they’re everywhere these days.”
“Yeah.” She leaned against the countertop, her breasts nearly popping out of her white button-up shirt. “So what’s your name?”
“Hmm, right now?” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “Whatever you call me—I think I’ll die happy.”
“Oh.” Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks.
“Hey, man,” Colt said, coming up next to us. “Sorry to interrupt what I’m sure would have been a freakishly interesting conversation about how beautiful this woman is and how much you understand her. Um, but your wife called and she said if you don’t come home in like five minutes she’s setting your bike on fire.” He cringed and looked at the woman. “He got his car taken away last week on account that we’re pretty sure he gave his neighbor herpes.”
Stumbling away from us, the lady swore and stomped off.
“Apparently”—I stole her drink and tossed it back—“we need some ground rules, asshole.”
“Nope.” Colt smirked. “No ground rules, just one-liners. You failed.”
“I’ll do it.” Colt was seriously out of his element if he thought he could land a girl with one pick-up line and not get the crap slapped out of him. “One pick-up line. Where’s Jason?”
Colt pointed at a table full of women. “Hunting.”
“Too bad his spear is limp, huh?” I crossed my arms over my chest and watched as Jason tried to engage the group of women.
They were smiling like they were into it, but he was losing precious time, and a few of them started looking behind him as if they were waiting for someone to rescue them.
I walked up and slunk my arm around his neck. “There you are, gorgeous!” With a smirk I kissed his cheek and blew in his ear.
“What the hell!” Jason pushed me off.
“He’s embarrassed so easily.” I laughed with the women and tickled Jason’s sides. “Come on, lover, you promised to take me to Hunger Games, and daddy’s so, so hungry. Rawr!”
“Aw!” The women sighed all over themselves. “How sweet! How long have you two been together?”
“Too long,” Jason answered just as I said, “Not long enough.”
“Have fun!” One of them winked at me. I winked back. Hell, yeah, if I were gay, she’d make me rethink that decision. I’d be back for her later.
“What the hell, man!” Jason pushed me away when we were back at the bar. “My lines were working!”
Colt came up next to us with Milo. “It was like watching a blind person play Battleship.” He shrugged. “You may as well have been shooting blanks.”
“I do not SHOOT BLANKS!” Jason yelled.
“Could have fooled me,” a female voice said from behind us.
My balls started to tingle. Huh, I knew that voice. I turned around and almost hid behind Milo.
“Jayne!” Jason shrieked.
“Asshole.” Her eyes were cold and lifeless. Well, what did you expect from a vampire who fed on the souls of others? A smile?
“What are you doing here?” Milo, precious little Milo, had a sweet tinge to her voice that sounded genuine. If I spoke to Jayne it would come out more like a snarl and then I’d start chucking garlic at her face while chanting Bible verses.