“Where are Colt and Milo?” I looked around the empty room. “Did they—”
A flash of color caught my eye.
Curious, I walked out of the room to find Milo and Colt making their way toward the exit.
“You dirty. Little. Whores.”
Milo and Colt both stopped in their tracks and slowly turned to face me. That’s right—I caught their guilty asses!
“And just where do you think you two are going?”
Milo looked down at the ground. “I’m sick.”
Colt coughed on her behalf and then hit her back. “We’re both sick.”
“With lies,” I spit. “With dirty lies!”
“It’s not what it looks like!” Colt held up his hands in defense, I slapped them away and scowled.
“The spawn of Satan”—I pointed at Milo—“gave my brother poisoned bears, and thanks to her, if anyone lights a match anywhere near this hospital we’re going to have an explosion on our hands. If I, the nonguilty party, have to stay, then you have to stay too. Breathe through your mouth!”
Milo started backing away. “But—”
“No excuses!” I pointed at Colt. “Control your wife, Colt!”
With jerky movements Colt grabbed Milo’s purse and started digging, then pulled out a handful of gummy bears and held them next to his mouth.
“I’ll do it!” he shouted. “Don’t think I won’t!”
“Whoa!” I held up my hands. “Whoa there, little buddy, just put the bears down.”
“Colt—” Milo’s voice wavered. “We can talk about this. Come on, baby, let’s just go back inside.”
“No!” Colt shouted. “I say no! Why should I have to stay and suffer when it’s not even my fault?”
“Dude.” I reached out my hand you like how you do when you first meet an aggressive animal and want it to know you mean no harm. “Just give me the bears.”
“How do I know you won’t make me stay?” Colt’s eyes narrowed. “How can I trust you?”
“Look.” I was losing patience fast. “Just hand me the bears and I’ll let you walk away. Colt, you can still walk away from this. It’s not worth it.”
“Isn’t it?” Colt’s voice shook. “How do you know? What if I’d rather suffer than sit in your brother’s poisonous gas?”
“Dude.” I waved him off. “He’s totally healed now. They gave him drugs, he’s sleeping like a baby.”
Reid’s voice carried down the hall. “It’s coming!” A shriek erupted from his room. “Ballllsssss!” Was he weeping? “Holy Hannah!” Wow, didn’t know he had such a set of pipes. “HANNAH MONTANA!”
Once the screaming stopped, I chanced a look at Colt. He’d dropped the bears onto the ground.
“Good choice.” I nodded. “Take my hand. We’re going back in there. Reid needs us now more than ever.”
“You can’t make us.” Milo lunged for my hair. Nobody touched the hair. It was held in place by at least seven different products that cost more than the T-shirt she was wearing.
“Back off!” I held up my fists.
“Dude, are you going to punch my wife?”
“He has a thing about people touching his hair, he says it’s more sensitive on account of its glossiness,” Milo said.
Colt rolled his eyes.
“It’s a real thing!” I yelled just as Reid let out another yell that in fact harmonized with mine. See? Talented. Both of us bastards.
“Guys!” Jason poked his head out of the room and took a huge breath of air. “Things just got real in here.”
The nurse, the hot one, ran out of the room with tears streaming down her face.
“Lawyer up, gummy bear bitches!” Reid yelled. “I’m coming for you!”
“Yeah,” Milo grumbled. “Let’s go before Reid has a hernia.”
I walked as slowly as humanly possible toward that room, hoping that in the five seconds it took me to get there, a miraculous healing would occur. Either that or Reid would just pass out from the pain.
No such luck.
He looked like he was giving birth as he lay on the bed clutching his stomach. “Dude, the drugs aren’t working.”
“Here we are!” The nurse stepped around us, holding a giant-ass needle in her hands. If someone approached me with that big a needle I’d start running. I wouldn’t even hesitate.
Reid was clearly in too much pain to remember he also had a needle phobia, so when the nurse approached with the relief and he actually turned around and lifted his ass into the air, I thought, hey, big brother’s growing up.
She inserted the needle.
Reid jerked to the left.
And something snapped.
I was hoping it was a bone—seriously, nobody wanted a needle stuck in his ass. That shit took surgery.
The nurse stumbled backward. “Don’t move!”
“What?” Reid started moving.
Jason ran to Reid’s side and held him in place. “Sorry, buddy, the hot nurse says you can’t move.”
The nurse blushed and ran out of the room.
“Guys.” Reid shuddered. “Is my naked ass pointing towards the sky?”
Complete silence blanketed the room as we all tilted our heads in unison. Reid’s ass was in fact pointed toward the sky, but he was probably too high to realize it.