Surveying her exquisite beauty in the moonlight, he was hard-pressed to understand why he felt so content in her arms. Why she satisfied him so completely. Why her warmth touched him so.
But the simple truth was, Roslyn filled a need he’d never had a name for until now. It seemed irrational at this point in his life to discover there was this huge need inside him, yet he couldn’t deny it. She stanched a loneliness he hadn’t even known he was suffering from. She kindled delight and joy in him-
Drew suddenly went very still. He was experiencing some of the same symptoms she had tried to describe. He felt happy in her presence. He felt restless and empty without her. He felt a hunger that went far beyond the physical.
Heart love was what she termed it.
Something clenched in his chest; not pain, but wonder.
Was it possible he was actually falling in love with her? Was he capable of love after all?
How else could he explain the powerful emotions he felt for her? If his yearning for her was only carnal desire, it wouldn’t touch his heart and mind.
Drew closed his eyes, testing the theory. Roslyn had slipped beneath his defenses, that was for certain, but the knowledge didn’t make him cringe as he expected. Indeed, it was profoundly appealing-the thought of sharing intimacy and love and affection with her for the rest of their days.
He’d never expected to have that with his bride. But now he wouldn’t settle for less. He wanted a love match with Roslyn, not just a marriage of convenience. He wanted her to love him, not merely be forced to marry him to avoid scandal.
And if he couldn’t make her love him?
His arms tightened reflexively around her. He wouldn’t even consider the possibility.
He would never let her go, Drew vowed in the hushed stillness. He would win Roslyn’s heart before long. He would wed her and make her his duchess. And he would give her the kind of future she had once envisioned with another man…the kind of future he had never envisioned for himself.
Chapter Seventeen
I was right to end it now before the possibility of future pain grows too great.
– Roslyn to Fanny
Roslyn was exceedingly relieved to return to Danvers Hall the following morning, not only because she’d had her fill of the duchess-who continued to treat her with icy disdain at her departure-but so that she could say farewell to Drew. Their night of lovemaking had been magical, Roslyn acknowledged, but such enchanted intimacy wouldn’t last forever. And before she sank even more deeply under Drew’s spell, it was imperative that she return to reality.
Regrettably, though, when he handed her down from his coach, he gave her a look so intimate, so searing, it made her heart turn over. Fighting the temptation to throw herself back into his arms, Roslyn instead wished him success upon his return to London. He planned to visit Sir Rupert’s solicitors again to discover what progress had been made during his absence toward learning the identity of Winifred’s ginger-haired thief.
When Drew took his leave, he merely kissed Roslyn’s gloved fingers, but she wanted him to do much, much more.
The temptation lingered long after he was gone. At loose ends, Roslyn found herself wandering restlessly through the house, stewing over her quandary. Yesterday had helped her recognize the grave danger she was in with Drew. Seeing that softer, tender side of him had melted her remaining defenses. And dismayingly, her feelings for him were growing stronger every moment she shared with him.
She knew now that she couldn’t risk letting him continue to romance her. Most certainly she couldn’t indulge in any more forbidden trysts with him. But with their betrothal still standing, she would be forced to share Drew’s company to a significant extent. And after their romantic interlude last night, she would find it impossible to keep her emotional distance.
She’d been deluding herself to think she could, Roslyn admitted. Trying to resist an irresistible man bent on wooing her would be impossible. Arabella had been in a similar fix a few short weeks ago. Belle hadn’t wanted to fall in love with Marcus, yet she couldn’t stop herself.
Roslyn worried her lower lip with her teeth, wondering apprehensively if she was following in her sister’s footsteps. Wishing her sisters or Tess were here to talk with, she gave a frustrated sigh. She missed them dreadfully just now and needed their counsel. But Arabella wasn’t expected home until late next week. And Tess had gone to London to assist Lily in an unusual undertaking at Fanny’s boardinghouse. Without them to rely on, Roslyn knew, she would have to solve her dilemma on her own.
Forcibly shoving her troubled thoughts away, she spun on her heel and headed for her bedchamber to change out of her traveling dress. She would visit the Freemantle Academy this afternoon. There were no classes scheduled for her to teach, since only a handful of pupils had stayed for the summer term and Jane Caruthers had them well in hand. But Roslyn enjoyed the girls’ company, and spending time with them would give her something else to focus on besides Drew’s disquieting wooing and the resolution of their uncertain future.
Roslyn did enjoy her visit at the academy, so much that she stayed for tea. But when she returned to the Hall, her dilemma was the same: What to do about Drew.
Perhaps she would be wise to end their engagement now. She was wholly convinced that she would be a fool to marry him. Drew had told her-repeatedly-that he would never give his heart to any woman, and she could so easily lose hers to him.
Just look at what had happened to Winifred-all the heartbreak and hurt she’d suffered, loving a husband who didn’t love her in return. How difficult it had been for Winifred, struggling with all those painful emotions over the years.
That dreadful experience should be warning enough, Roslyn knew.
To keep her agitated thoughts occupied, she put on an old gown and went out to the gardens. The flower beds were beginning to resemble their former glory since Marcus had spent a fortune refurbishing the Hall and grounds. And they could now afford such wasteful luxury as cutting fresh flowers daily for the drawing room and parlors. Roslyn usually saw to the task to spare Mrs. Simpkin the effort.
She was bending over a rosebush, clipping a particularly thorny yellow rose, when she heard the side gate open and glanced up, expecting to see one of the gardeners. Instead, she saw Lord Haviland striding toward her along the gravel path.
Straightening, Roslyn dropped her rose and shears in the gardening pail at her feet and waited for him to reach her.