“You can go to perdition!”
“Then you will damned well join me!”
Roslyn felt the blood drain from her face. Drew had shouted at her, and she had shouted right back at him.
She stared at him, unable to speak. Her chest was tight, while a sick feeling knotted her stomach.
“I have to go…” she rasped finally, turning from him again and making rapidly for the house.
“Roslyn, come back here!”
She clamped her hands over her ears, hearing the echo of her parents’ many arguments over the years. She couldn’t bear their shouting then, couldn’t bear to have Drew shouting at her now. So she simply ran.
“Roslyn!” Drew called after her, his tone harsh with anger.
Roslyn paid him no heed. She ran, couldn’t stop running. She sped along the gravel path and stumbled up the stone steps to the terrace, instinctively heading for her sanctuary, the library. Her vision had blurred while a rushing filled her ears.
“Roslyn…” There was an edge of concern to his voice as well as anger, but she didn’t stop.
She found the open French door and burst through into the library, pushing it shut behind her.
She stood there quivering, heart pounding. She could still hear voices raised in anger…her parents fiercely arguing…Mama accusing Papa of infidelity…Mama sobbing.
She wouldn’t cry, Roslyn vowed. She wouldn’t let herself fall apart. Yet the tremors wouldn’t stop. Lunging blindly across the library, Roslyn climbed into the window seat and huddled there. She wanted to curl herself into a tiny, invisible ball, just as she had when she was a child.
She was shaking the same way now. She wrapped her arms around herself, but it was hard to pull enough air into her lungs. She couldn’t catch her breath. And she kept hearing the echo of her parents’ voices.
Eyes shut, she tried to block them out. She held herself tightly, willing them to go away as she battled the ghosts of her childhood.
A sound escaped her throat, half laugh, half sob. How many times had she done this very thing-taken refuge in the library to escape her parents’ angry altercations? At home in Hampshire she’d crawled behind the window seat curtains, keeping her hands clasp
ed over her ears until her sisters found her and offered her comfort.
Another shudder wracked her, but Roslyn forced herself to drag in a raw breath, striving for calm. She was an adult now. She didn’t need Lily to hold her hand.
She didn’t need Lily to tell her she was a fool, either. How could she have ever thought she could wed Drew? If they were fighting this way after being betrothed for barely a fortnight, what would their marriage be like?
It would be her worst fear realized, their union degenerating into the horrible, antagonistic relationship her parents had had.
But what else could she hope for? a voice inside Roslyn cried out. Drew was never going to love her. Not if he could doubt her word so flagrantly as he had a moment ago. Real love meant trusting, and if he couldn’t trust her to behave with honor and integrity…
A fierce shiver coursed through her. She had to end their betrothal at once. If she was hurting this intensely now, how much greater would the hurt be if she let it continue? It was frightening to think of battling Drew like this once she came to love him.
No, it was time to sever their relationship before her heart became irrevocably ensnared. His absence in her life would create a huge emptiness inside her, but it was far better to part with him now than later, when it was too late to salvage-
Roslyn froze when she heard the library door slowly open. Drew entered without bidding, then stood for a long moment before his footsteps sounded on the Aubusson carpet as he crossed to where she sat huddled.
“What is wrong, Roslyn?” he asked quietly.
“If you have to ask, then I could not possibly explain it to you.”
“I didn’t mean to shout at you.”
Opening her eyes unwillingly, she looked up at him. “But you did shout at me. And you meant to accuse me of duplicity and infidelity.”
“No…it’s just that I saw you laughing with Haviland, smiling up at him…”
His voice trailed off, while hers dropped to a ragged whisper. “I can’t bear fighting with you, Drew. I despise fighting.”