Attending the ball had been a mistake, Madeline reflected, since it had only made her feel dispirited. She was better off here, away from the gaiety below, where she could pretend to ignore the certainty that the prime of her life was passing her by. She would never be part of that glittering world—the Beau Monde with its beautiful, wealthy gentility.
And in truth, she didn’t want to be. Nor did she want to envy the flirtatious young ladies in their fashionable, expensive gowns and stylish coiffures.
And yet if she were one of their numbers, then Haviland might look at her in a different light. If she could afford flattering gowns to wear and a lady’s maid to dress her hair differently—
Stop that at once, Madeline scolded herself angrily. She knew it was futile to let herself dwell on her straitened circumstances.
Just as there was no point in longing for her own children to fill a nursery like this, since she would never marry without love, and finding a husband whom she loved and who loved her in return seemed highly unlikely at this juncture in her life.
“I know, Maman, if wishes were horses, then beggars would have mounts to ride. And I can be perfectly content without a horse.”
“So this is where you have hidden yourself.”
Madeline started at the sound of Haviland’s deep male voice. Jumping to her feet, she whirled to face him and inhaled a quick breath at the sight.
The schoolroom suddenly seemed much smaller with him in it, she thought, seeing his tall, muscular form in all its formal glory. He was carrying his own lamp, and in the golden glow, he looked stunningly handsome with his pristine white cravat that contrasted so starkly with his tanned features and raven hair.
He glanced around, then fixed his blue gaze on her as he moved farther into the room. “Were you speaking to someone?”
She flushed, not wanting to admit that she regularly conversed with her late mother. “I sometimes voice my thoughts aloud,” she murmured, compromising with a variation of the truth.
He seemed to accept her explanation, or at least he didn’t press her further. After leaving his lamp on the same table as her candle, Haviland came to stand before her.
Madeline suddenly felt breathless as she looked up at him.
“You disappoint me, Miss Ellis. I specifically tasked you with rescuing me from a horde of grasping debutantes, but you abandoned me to their tender mercies.”
His tone was light, even teasing, yet she couldn’t respond in kind. Her wits had gone begging with his close proximity.
“You did not appear to be in need of rescue,” she finally managed.
“But I was.” He inclined his head toward the school desks. “The nursery? You chose a curious place to hide.”
His casual remark pricked her, possibly because he had hit so close to the mark. “I am not hiding.”
“No? Then why are you here? Because you are not attired in the latest fashion?” His measuring gaze raked slowly down her lavender gown. “You look perfectly acceptable to me.”
Madeline’s breath faltered altogether at his perusal, but she forced herself to reply. “I told you, I do not care much for balls.”
“Nor do I. I dislike the trappings and pretensions of society in general. So much idle pleasure seems frivolous after decades of conflict across the Continent. It has always amazed me that the good denizens of the haute ton seemed insensible to the bloody carnage occurring just across the Channel.”
Madeline felt a surge of sympathy at the reminder of how much war and death Haviland must have seen. “True. And I am accustomed to being occupied.”
“So am I. But you are not a servant in this household, Miss Ellis. You are a guest, and as such you are entitled to enjoy yourself tonight.”
“I know.”
He offered no reply but continued regarding her in that searching way, as if he were seeking something in her expression.
As time stretched between them, Madeline began to grow uncomfortable. She wondered how Haviland had managed to find her. But then she remembered; he was a master spy, after all.
“Why are you here, my lord? You should be courting your future bride.”
He hesitated, then gave a mock wince. “Must you remind me?”
“You are the one who said you planned to use the evening to further your search.”
“I thought I deserved a respite. But you disappeared before I could solicit your hand for a waltz.”