“Whoa.” Mikey shook his head. “Um, listeners, you can’t see this, but it looks like the shrew has a violent streak.”
“I have the bruises to prove it.” I nodded.
“Domestic violence isn’t something to joke about,” he said soberly.
My lower lip quivered. “Sometimes, I make her a sack lunch. I mean, that’s romantic, right? Making my girl lunch. And if I don’t cut off the crust . . .” I shivered.
Mikey held out his hand. “Do you think she takes out her aggression on you because there are issues in the bedroom?”
“Ha.” Jordan kicked my shin, then pulled a seat out and spoke into the microphone. “He jokes . . . it’s what Reid does, right, Reid? You’re joking?”
I smiled shamelessly. “Mikey, I think you hit the nail on the head . . . the bedroom is . . . well, it’s where we should be connecting on both a physical and emotional level. Instead, she wants to take control . . . which frankly just takes all the pleasure out of it for me.”
Jordan blushed furiously.
“Oh, wow.” Mikey laughed. “Our phone lines are lighting up right now. We’ll take a few questions in a minute. Let’s talk a little bit about the sex life between you two. Now, Jordan, why do you think you need to control everything? Have you always struggled with that?”
I leaned back and crossed my arms. “Yeah, Jordan, why so controlling?”
She gave me an I’m going to kill you look and then spoke sweetly into the microphone. “I wouldn’t have to if he knew how to use his equipment.”
“What the hell!” I roared.
Mikey laughed again. “And when you say equipment . . .”
“It’s like . . .” Jordan tapped her chin. “He has the hammer, and he sees the nails, but doesn’t quite know where to hit ’em in.”
Oh, shit. She just took it too far.
I kicked her under the table. “Now who’s joking?” I laughed awkwardly. “I’ll have you know, I am fully aware of where to hammer, though it needs to be said that a man’s very sensitive about his hammer, protective, even. How do I know she’s going to allow me to do my job if she’s constantly yelling the instructions at me!”
“Please!” Jordan rolled her eyes. “Like men ever read instructions. Maybe if they did they’d be able to actually complete a project with some satisfaction!”
“Are you saying he doesn’t satisfy you, Jordan?” This from Mikey.
“I’m sure he has the equipment to.” Jordan eyed me up and down. “The question is . . . does he have the ability?”
“Want me to prove how much ability I really have?” I whispered. “Because I have nothing against public displays of affection.”
Her cheeks reddened.
“Let’s, ah . . .” Mikey coughed. “Take a few calls. You’re on the air with Mikey M and Reid Emory.”
“So . . .” The voice was familiar. Oh, shit. “Our mother favored me over him when he was a child, and I think it left him feeling . . . small. If you get my meaning.”
“Small? Who is this?”
“Max Emory . . .” Max coughed. “And let’s further discuss Reid’s smallness. It’s a tiny, well-known fact that when one feels . . . insignificant and . . . petite, they shy away from dominance in the bedroom.”
“Dude,” I yelled into the microphone. “He’s kidding.”
“Small fry,” Max wailed. “They called him small fry during gym class.”
Holy mother of chickens. I was going to throw Max into a furnace and light it on fire.
“Small fry?” Mikey looked as uncomfortable as I felt. “Well, then, thank you for that . . . er . . . very interesting piece of information.”
“Every LITTLE BIT helps,” Max said cheerfully.
Jordan coughed out a laugh.
“You’re on with Mikey M and Reid Emory.”
“Hey.” The voice sounded like it came from an eighteen-year-old girl. “I don’t buy it. They have no chemistry. Boo. Publicity stunt.” The caller hung up.
Mikey shifted in his chair. “One more call. You’re on with Mikey M and Reid Emory.”
“She’s his publicist . . . I highly doubt he’s sleeping with her. I agree with the other caller. The video was funny as hell, but I’m not convinced. Give me something real.”
Hang up.
Shit, shit, shit, shit. Jordan grew paler by the minute.
I did the only thing I could think of doing, hoping that Mikey M would at least vouch for us. I grabbed her by the back of the neck and kissed her right in front of Mikey M, then spoke softly into the microphone. “I guess we’ll just have to prove to everyone once and for all that this is it for us.”
Jordan nodded.
“Baby,” I crooned. “I know it’s only been a few days, but I feel like I’ve known you all my life.”
Her eyes widened.
“Would you—”
She shook her head violently.
“—do me the honor of marrying me?”
The gum dropped out of Mikey M’s mouth.
“You’re it for me.” I got down on both knees. “We both knew it was heading this way. I loved you the first minute you spoke my name.” Never mind that she called me a gay handsome stranger. “And when we held hands the first time.” Or when she elbowed me in the ribs. “I felt whole for the first time in probably my entire existence.”