“We should probably intervene.” Becca took a long sip of wine and set her glass down on the table, then yawned.
“Yeah.” Max started turning purple. “We probably should. What do you normally do? Take off your top? Blow a whistle? Call the cops?”
“Cops refuse to come when Emorys call—believe me, it’s like the whole McDonald’s thing. Public service refuses to help them now.”
“Makes sense.”
Max made a choking noise while he tried to kick Reid in the shin.
“Oh, well.” Becca walked slowly toward the guys. I followed. I expected her to gently ask them to stop fighting and separate them.
Instead, she punched Reid in the face and then separated them.
He stumbled back.
I caught him and fell backward against the other couch while he rubbed his face and whispered, “My hero.”
“My lungs broke your fall,” I wheezed.
Max gasped for air. “You know my biggest fear is not breathing!”
“Not breathing?” I had to ask, I just had to.
Reid chuckled. “For six years Max was convinced every food was going to cause him to go into anaphylactic shock because Oprah did a segment where some chick nearly died after eating a kiwi!”
“A kiwi!” Max repeated hoarsely. “Who dies from kiwi? That chick.” He shook his head vigorously. “I refuse to go down eating.”
Reid moved off me and sat back on the couch. “He took Benadryl every time he ate fruit.”
Max narrowed his eyes. “Make fun now, but we both know that watermelon gave me hives! My throat closed, you bastard!”
“Maybe if you took smaller bites . . .” Reid said helpfully.
Max lunged again.
Becca grabbed him by the shirt and tugged him back onto his own couch. “No more fighting, we have engagement pictures tomorrow.”
“Oh, good.” Max glared at Reid. “Now the photographer’s going to think that I like my bride to choke me during sex because I have man-size fingerprints around my neck.” He tugged at his shirt. “Damn it!”
“You mean you don’t like that, baby?” Becca winked at me.
I burst out laughing while Max pointed between the two of us. “No, not happening, I’m sorry, you can’t be friends.”
“Why?” I asked. “I could always use more friends. After all, Reid did kill my plant, so . . .”
“Plant?” Max’s eyebrows narrowed in on Reid. “You sick, sick man. Why the hell would you kill a plant? Don’t you know what those stand for?”
Reid frowned. “Uh—”
“LOVE!” Max shouted. “Life! Completion! What the hell is wrong with you? You may as well run over a mama duck and her little lings!”
“Lings?” I whispered.
“DUCKLINGS!” Max shouted. “Damn it, Reid. Mom raised you better.”
“Oh, really?” Reid snorted. “We’re going there, huh? How about you setting me up on national radio! You KNEW if you pushed hard enough I’d propose marriage.”
Max cackled. “You were always easy to break. Always.”
“I will seriously punch you in the throat.”
Max grabbed Becca and placed her on his lap, then grinned behind her.
“Human shield.” Becca sighed and looked horribly guilty. “Can’t say I’m surprised, nor disappointed by this sudden change of events—after all, my loving fiancé made me call in as well.”
“Why help the evil genius?” I said.
“She called me a genius.” Max puffed out his chest.
“Note that she said evil first.” Reid lowered his voice. “Just saying.”
“Well.” Becca shrugged. “He’s been impossible to live with this past week. Every time I come home from class, he has his ear pressed to the door like some lovesick teenager playing Girl Talk.”
“Oh, my gosh, I loved that game!” I gushed.
Becca laughed. “Me too! I can’t believe I actually called my crushes and—”
Max snapped his fingers. “Becca, this is Max time; you two can play later.”
“Punch him.” I glared at Max while Becca reached between her legs and flicked her fingers.
“Damn it!” Max yelped. “Low blow. Literally.”
“So.” I cleared my throat, ignoring Max’s sobbing. “What were you saying? About helping him?”
Becca shrugged. “I thought making him promise we wouldn’t have sex until we got married . . . was a good idea at the time—a few months isn’t long to wait and I thought it would bring some excitement into the wedding night!”
I nodded.
Max gave me the finger while Reid wrapped a protective arm around me.
“Anyway.” Becca shrugged. “I figure either I live with Max while Reid slowly drives him insane one fake orgasm at a time.” I blushed. “Or I help him and finally get some sleep without having to drug my own fiancé!”
“I knew that milk tasted funny!” Max roared.
Becca smirked. “Slept like a baby last night.”
Amazing, it was like watching a sitcom, only in real life. Max started to gag. “You know I’m allergic to pills, ALL PILLS!”
Becca wouldn’t let him up.
Otis, sensing unrest within the home, came barreling down the hall and jumped onto the couch nearest Max.
Max froze. “Holy shit, aliens really do exist! Hey, E.T.!”