“Damn it. I should have known something was wrong. She would have called, should have called. How could I have been so stupid? What now?” John asked, rambling on and on about Maggie.
“It’s not your fault, John. How could you know? You said it yourself you thought she might be with her ex-boyfriend. Listen it doesn’t matter now. We have to help these detectives find out who’s responsible. We need to stay focused. The word is that they’re calling in some federal agents. This guy is now a cop killer, too,” Donald stated to John, and Frank agreed as he placed his hand on John’s shoulder.
“You know Maggie’s family, John. Take a few days off and help her parents with the arrangements. Take as much time as you need,” Donald said.
“What about Grace? Does she know yet?” John asked.
“Probably. Jim called Sandman about ten minutes ago. He figured better to find out from Sandman than the media,” Frank told his brother
“God, this is probably killing her. I wish I could talk to her,” John said
“Sandman said he set up a secure line for her to e-mail us here in Donald’s office. We should hear from her soon,” Frank added.
Donald opened up his e-mails to check to see if Grace had e-mailed yet.
Donald, it’s Grace. I heard about Maggie. How is John doing?
I’m so sorry this is happening. If I could stop it I would.
I wish I was back in Europe where everything was normal and my family was safe. God, how I wish so many things were different. How are my mom and Eric doing? Please tell them I love them. Tell John I’m so sorry and that I love him so much and Frank and Peter, too.
I’m racking my brain. I feel so alone, out of control, weak, and this killer is doing it to me. I want to be strong, I need to be strong but just as I feel a little strength, a little confidence, he strikes again. I want to be there with all of you. I want to be there with John. Oh God, Donald, please tell him I’m so sorry. So sorry.
Donald read the message and felt heartbroken for Grace. She felt Maggie’s murder was her fault. She was blaming herself for the killings and was losing her confidence and control.
Her brothers read the message and felt the same way. They had tears in their eyes as they each responded back to her. They told her how much they loved her and that it wasn’t her fault. They told her to be strong and positive that together they would stop this killer. They told her not to blame herself and they prayed th
ey would see her again.
* * * *
Grace sat in the office and read the return e-mails from her brothers and Donald. She was crying now and wondered how she could stay strong. Her brother John didn’t blame her for Maggie’s death. He blamed the killer and his warped, demented mind.
“How are you doing, baby?” Sandman asked as he entered the office.
Grace looked up at him, trying to wipe her tears away with her hand.
“They don’t blame me. They’re so worried.” She wiped her tears then stared at the last line on the page. The words “We love you, Grace” were typed in at the end.
“Why would they? It’s not your fault. This guy is sick, Grace. He’s playing a game. There are no rules, only his. He wants to be in control.” He sat on the edge of the desk next to Grace.
“He is in control. He is winning this sick game. I don’t want to play it, Sandman. I can’t take this. I need to be with my family. Can’t you protect me there at home? There are three of you.”
He let out a long sigh as he looked at her.
“You’re better off here where we can go over everything and keep you safe. I know it’s hard.”
Grace stood up and cut him off as she moved around the desk.
“You know it’s hard? How do you know how I’m feeling? You couldn’t possibly understand. This is killing me. I’d rather he just find me and kill me than just drag this thing out. He’s hurting people I love. He wants me and I don’t know why. I don’t know who he is. I’m racking my brain, Sandman, and coming up with nothing. I can’t handle this. I need to be in control. I want to stop this asshole and I can’t do anything. My arms are tied behind my back, he’s winning, Goddamn him, he’s winning!” She raised her voice as she turned and faced the doorway.
Sandman grabbed her shoulders, stopped her from walking out, and turned her toward him.
“You have to keep that anger you have, baby. That’s your strength and your power. He’s not winning. He’s just ahead a few points. Together we can do this. You’re not alone, Grace. I’m here for you. Big Jay and Duke are here for you, too.”
He hugged her tightly and she grabbed onto him, loving the feel of his strength and conviction in his tone, his words.
He held her in silence and she realized how much he and his brothers had come to mean to her so quickly. But she was used to handling things on her own and right now, it would be too much to talk with Sandman, explain her emotions, her memories and fears. She would feel like she was giving up all of her layers and taking a chance that he and his brothers would never hurt her. In this fragile state, she just couldn’t find the belief and power to do that.