She didn’t think twice as she shoved at his chest. He stumbled back. She felt a shot of guilt, but he recovered, and she was angry all over again.
She pointed at her chest. “I’m the same person. I haven’t changed at all, so apparently if you can call me a self-centered princess, then you never really knew me, Gabe. That hurts.” She turned and began walking away.
“Alana, wait.”
He placed his hand on her shoulder from behind, and she stopped dead in her tracks. Her muscles tightened, and then that warm, deep feeling filtered through her skin and her bones. She longed to feel his touch. She’d begged God every night for Gabe’s return home from the service. She squeezed her eyes tight and pleaded to just be able to feel Gabe’s touch again. To feel his big, strong, muscular arms surround her.
She hadn’t even realized he was walking with her and that they wound up by a tree guarded by leaves and onlookers. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and a sob arose from deep in her gut. Then Gabe turned her around and hugged her tight. She lost it. She sobbed as the memories of all those lonely, sad days and nights filtered through her mind, making her numb and exhausted.
* * * *
Gabe felt his eyes well up with tears and his heart fill with emotion. He inhaled Alana’s shampoo and the scent of her perfume. He squeezed her petite frame against his body and felt his cock instantly harden with thoughts of making love to her and that utter complete sensation when their two bodies were joined so intimately.
Then came the fear, the terror of not being able to be the man she needed, the one she deserved. He thought about the things he’d witnessed and the actions he’d partaken in. He was a changed man. He was a damaged, violent man who should have died out in that godforsaken dessert or in one of the trenches out by the roadways.
He felt meaningless, and he felt dirty, like some wild, untamed beast that could hurt Alana in the midst of one of his episodes.
“Alana, don’t cry. I’m sure this is upsetting. But you need to do as I ask. It’s what’s right for you.”
She pulled back and looked up at him. Her gorgeous green eyes were sparkling with tears clinging to her thick, long eyelashes. Her lips were full and wet, and he wanted to kiss her, get lost in every aspect of Alana.
“What’s right for me? How would you know what’s right for me?”
“Because I know you. I know you put everyone first in all you do. I know you’ve suffered over the last few years thinking that I was dead.”
“Suffered?” She sniffled. “They were the worst three years of my life. If I hadn’t moved out of Scrantonville to get out from under the depression and constant reminders of my love for you, then I never would have found you. I would still be thinking that you were dead. I would still be all alone.”
He cupped her cheeks.
“But you’re not alone anymore. Jaxon, Geno, Gator, and Jeb want you.” He took a deep breath and released it, realizing it hurt to say this and to push her away and toward his team. But they would make her happy. They were good, whole men who would commit to only her.
“And what about you, Gabe? Don’t you want me anymore?” she asked as another tear rolled down her cheek.
It was torture to see her like this, to know that he loved her but could not have her or tell her.
“No. I don’t want you. But they do, and they’ll treat you right and make you happy.”
She shook her head and pulled back. She used her sleeve to wipe the tears from her eyes, and she stood straighter. She was the daughter of a Marine. She wasn’t weak. She was a soldier in so many ways.
“Well, that’s not really your decision, Gabe.” She looked away from him. A glance in that direction and he could see the concerned faces as his friends drew closer.
She held his gaze, and he nearly gulped under her perusal.
“Do you know what I think? I think you’re scared shitless. I think you’ve given up on yourself and your capabilities, and you know what? I still love you, and there’s not a damn thing you can say or do to make me not love you. So what I suggest is that you wake up and snap out of whatever screwed-up shit you’ve trained your brain to believe. I’m living in Tranquility now, and I’ll talk to any man or men I want to and not just the one
s you push me toward.”
She stormed off, and Gabe stood there watching her leave. He felt enraged, angry, and then he felt disgusted with himself. He was being a heartless bastard. It was obvious that she still loved him the way he still loved her.
He ran his fingers through his hair. I can’t bring her down. I’m not good enough for her.
“What’s going on? What did you say to Alana?” Jaxon demanded to know.
“Nothing. We were talking.”
“Talking my ass. She was crying. What the fuck, Gabe?” Gator gave Gabe’s shoulder a shove, and then he stormed off in the direction Alana had gone.
“What is your fucking problem? Why do you find it necessary to keep hurting her?” Jeb asked Gabe as he stared at him with his fists by his sides. His buddies, his team members all looked ready to kill him.