“What are you saying?” There’s shock and panic in his voice.
“Riley, wait. Come back, please,” he begs. “Let’s talk about it. I’ll end it with Callie I promise.”
The tears sting my cheeks. He’s still behind me, following me. I swallow hard. “Leave me alone, Henry.” I do my best to put up a cold front.
“Riley, you can’t do this to me. You’re killing me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.”
He’s lying. Messing with my head. Fucking with my emotions.
I run out the back exit doors, glancing over my shoulder as Henry stops at the steps. “Riley, please! You know you don’t want to do this!”
He’s right; I don’t want to do this. I feel like I’m losing a part of myself as I run away from him. More than that, I feel like my heart has just exploded in my chest.
I’m proud of myself for staying so strong in front of him. I’m proud for standing my ground instead of keeping quiet. But when I finally make into the safe haven of my car, I let it all out.
I hunch over, hugging my stomach and let out long agonizing sobs. And the whole time I cry I hear him in the back of my mind, begging—pleading for me to come back.
Get out of my head!
Even my thoughts involving him are accompanied by pain. A dull, incessant, throbbing pain. As I try to catch my breath and control myself the pain intensifies, circling around my gut, and I’m not sure when or if it will ever go away.
Chapter 12
“Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest...”~ Author Unknown ~
I’m broken. Hopefully I won’t be this way forever, but for now every part of me is broken. I’m also sick and obsessed, clawing at my own body trying to recreate the way it feels to have his hands on me. It’s not the same.
When I arrived home I’d consumed an entire quart of Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesequake ice cream. I was hoping that maybe the frosty delight would dull the pain just a little bit. It doesn’t.
Henry calls. Once. Twice. Three times, and every time I hit the ignore button.
Then he texts me.
Plz talk 2 me.
R u home?
Can I come ovr?
I don’t answer his texts either.
Sleep. That’s all I really want to do. Sleep away my sorrows. Dream of blissful experiences. Dream of hope and laughter. Infectious laughter. Maybe today was a dream. Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and everything that happened will be a nightmare. Somehow I doubt it.
****
I’ve convinced myself that I’m delusional because half-way through my slumber I hear, feel, and smell Henry. His clothes smell like a combination of tide detergent and his cologne. He breathes soft and raspy into my ear an
d I feel the warmth of his body next to mine. I sigh. This seems too familiar. Too real.
Rolling over, my hand smacks into something hard and a cough echoes throughout my room. My eyes fly open and I scramble from my bed and crouch down in the corner of my room. Henry rises and walks around the bed closer to me.
“Get out!” My voice is cold and brash and I’m pissed that he thinks my bed is a welcome mat. Thank you for stopping by! Come back soon! Perhaps that’s my own fault because I made it that way, but still. Every time he came over in the past I’d invited him. I didn’t invite him over today.
“Chill Ry,” he says. “It’s me. It’s Henry.”
“I know it’s you. I want you to leave.”
“You don’t mean that.”