“Yes.”
I can tell he’s a jigsaw puzzle. A million pieces scattered sporadically. Looking away only so he can put himself back together.
“Everything?” he repeats, whispering.
“Yes, everything,” I assure him.
I’m observing him. Watching his profile as the muscles in his jaw flex. I take his face in my hands and he’s still not looking at me. For a second I close my eyes. I’m tearing up and what I really to do right now is be strong for him. “Henry, look at me,” I demand.
He doesn’t meet my gaze.
“Henry! Look at me!”
He lifts his eyes slowly. The pale blue irises are swimming with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I place my forehead against his and sigh. “You know I would have been there for you.”
His voice cracks. “You had your own problems going on with your parents and everything.”
“That doesn’t matter. You know I love you. You know I would have been there for you in a second. What’s happening with my family is minor compared to this.” I hesitate for a moment and breathe. “What stage of cancer does she have and what kind?”
“Pancreatic. Stage four.”
I remember learning that pancreatic cancer is one of the worst kinds of cancer to have. “When did you find out?”
He lifts his head, a serene look on his face. “Three years ago. We were optimistic at first and so were the doctors. They thought they’d caught it early enough. After her first round of chemo, she was doing so well. She went into remission. Then about eighteen months ago, it came back and it’s been a downward spiral ever since. She just keeps getting worse. In and out of the hospital. I’m at the point where I don’t know what to do anymore. My dad tells me that I shouldn’t stop living. That my mom wouldn’t want me to be living next to her bed at all times.” A painful smile forms on his lips. “If she were here she’d tell me that she’s fine. Not to worry about her. To try and live.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Henry,” I tell him. “I’m so sorry I acted the way I did.” There was a point during our argument where he was trying to tell me something. I could see in his eyes that he was hiding something, but my own thoughts and concerns were the only thing I could think about. I’m the selfish one. I’m the one who is to blame for that fight. “Where does Callie fit into this?”
Just mentioning her name makes me cringe. Callie, to me is almost inhuman, with a heart made of ice.
A soft smile forms on his lips. “My Mom loves Callie. She used to tell me that Callie was like the daughter she never had.” He laughs, a restrained laugh. “I know that’s no excuse for what I’m doing with both of you, but my Mom is dying and I just couldn’t end it with Callie knowing how my Mom feels about her.”
I exhale. “I’m sorry, but I’m having a hard time believing that.”
He scrunches his eyebrows together. “What?”
“I’m having a hard time believing your Mom could love someone like her so much.”
Henry shakes his head. “Callie wasn’t always how she is now. She used to be sweet. She used to be thoughtful. Somehow she’s morphed into someone different. Someone I don’t know anymore. Four years is a long time to be with someone and I think that most couples don’t anticipate the other one changing, but people do change. For a while when my Mom got sick again, I thought the old Callie I fell in love with would come back. I thought she’d be there for me, because that’s what you do when you love someone. I stayed because I knew how much it meant to my mother, and to see the look on my mom’s face when Callie would walk into the room, well, it was like a blinding light shining on the darkest of days. It made her so happy and I just didn’t have the heart to take it away from her.”
Tears pour from my eyes and I feel like such a jerk. “I’m so sorry.” That’s all I can really say.
He places his fingers under my chin and tips it up. “That day I saw you. It changed my whole life. You changed my whole life. You made me feel alive again. For the first time in years. I love you. I mean it.”
A mixture of sadness and joy fills me up. All I can do is sob. I reach up and run my fingers through his hair. “I love you too. So much.”
He cranes his neck down and brushes his lips against mine. A soft, loving kiss that exalts all of my senses. Then the kiss intensifies and we fall back on his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms, warped by a haze of love and passion.
His lips are against my ear. “I want you. All of you,” he breathes.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from him.All I ever wanted is for him to choose me. Pick me. Love me. And he has. “You have me,” I tell him. “You always will.”
Another deep kiss and I feel like the room is spinning, whirling around me. I’m on the tilt-a-whirl at the hometown fair. An elated feeling tickles my stomach. The wind whips through my hair and I’m laughing. I’m happy, giddy and full of glee.
Henry’s teeth scrape against my bottom lip and I’m stuck in a diluted limbo that blurs the lines between fantasy and reality.
I’m covered by a blanket of his arms, so warm and so hot that his body on mine sends an electrified wave of heat trickling down my spine. I’m already overheating and I’m craving another temperature spike. I want him to bring me to a rumbling boil.
A soft creak from the door rings out in between our breathless kisses.