But he was wrong.
Connie didn’t retaliate like I thought he would. Yeah that pissed me off. And I had to talk myself out of shooting the old fucker more times than I could count. Then my conscience paid a visit just like it always did.
If it wasn’t for Connie you would have lost Teagan.
If it wasn’t for Connie who knows where you’d be?
It didn’t take me long to learn that the streets don’t take prisoners. They are violent. And brutal. And nine times out of ten send people to an early grave.
That’s where I would have ended up if it wasn’t for Connie.
In a shallow grave.
As much as I hate the man, I respect him too. I have to. Tee and I never wanted for anything. We never had to struggle. And she got to go out with friends, go to prom, pick the college of her choice. She got to live a normal life that every teenage girl deserves.
I owe that all to him.
I gave him my loyalty because of that.
Even though I’m sure that I paid Connie back for everything plus more on the money he makes off betting on my fights.
But that’s beside the point.
Part of me wants to go back outside and see if the pig is still sitting there, but I decide against it. That would look way too suspicious. Instead I make my way toward the locker room to change out of my wet sweat suit and take my piercing out. Joe has a sparring partner for me today and I don’t keep it in when I spar or at a match.
In the locker room, I stand at the sink, eyes cast downward as the gleaming white porcelain blurs in my vision and my stomach bottoms out. The panic is gone, but the nauseous feeling has returned. I lift my gaze, stare at myself in the mirror, and have this ov
erwhelming urge to punch it.
I want to break it.
Watch it shatter into a million little pieces.
I want something to be as broken and as fucked up as I am.
Instead, I roll my head back, close my eyes, and breathe. Joe would be pissed if I damaged the hand that made my right hook famous. And I know breaking the mirror isn’t going to solve anything.
I’m going to wake up tomorrow.
I’m still going to be the middle weight boxing champion of the world.
I’m still going to be one of key members of the Braithreachas Don Saoul.
And I’m still going to be in the middle of a blow fest, aiding the fuckers who toss white powder around on the streets like it’s new fallen snow.
Man up, Seany, I tell myself.
You can’t take back yesterday.
Tomorrow is only a day away.
I’ve got a sit down with the members of the brotherhood tomorrow after training and a brick sits in the pit of my stomach because I know what’s going to go down. The feds are in town because there’s a rat hiding amongst the members of the brotherhood.
And now I know that tomorrow is going to be a last day for someone.
And that Connie will pick them out because the man is like a human lie detector. He says he always knows how to smell a rat. Then he’ll put on a fake smile, walk them into the back room of the meeting spot, and a few minutes later he’ll put a bullet into their skull.