I thought about Marlena and the way she told me I’d never be good enough for her son. I thought about how I know she’s always going to blame me for his death. I wish I could tell her that hating me and saying nasty things about me isn’t going to be any different from the things I tell myself every God damned day. And I wish I could tell her that hating me and saying nasty things isn’t going to bring him back.
I try to remember the last time I took one of my pills and how long the side effects last for. Hours? Days? I can’t really be sure. Sometimes I wonder if Damien has always had this side of him or if this is just another screwed up attribute added to my hallucination of him.
I’m glad he’s not alive so I won’t have to find out.
The coils on my mattress squeak again and I know Damien is standing behind me. His breathing is level now. I think he’s probably calmed down. “Just come say goodbye to me, Addy.” I know he realizes he’s fading now, too. “Just come say goodbye to me before I go.”
At first I hesitate. I’m thinking that perhaps he might be trying to trick me. When minutes pass and he continues begging, I hop to my feet and turn to face him, my eyes still closed.
There are words swelling in my ear, “It was always you. It would have always been you.” I swallow the lump in my throat as tears drip off my chin. There’s a kiss of frost against my cheek.
My eyes snap open.
A tear drizzles down Damien’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I love you,” he cries. I reach out to touch him. But then, it’s like a giant vacuum has sucked him from the room. My door opens and the suction rips him right through the door.
I’m beside myself.
My mind goes wild.
Crazy.
I’m running down the hall after the invisible boy I loved shrieking like a banshee.
Damien! Damien! I’m sorry I told you to go away. I didn’t mean it I swear. Come back! Please! Come back!
I know he’s not coming back.
I know I’ll never see him again.
And even though I thought I wanted him to go away, now I’m not so sure.
I come to an abrupt stop at the end of the hall. Marjorie stands before me, an evil scowl curled on her lips, a straightjacket clutched in her right hand. “Somebody is being disruptive,” she snarls in her low, man-like voice. I pivot and try to run, but Marjorie’s free hand clamps down around the collar of my hospital gown. On her knees, she presses my face into the cold, hard floor and begins to strap me in. I sob. I sob hard. Marjorie jerks me up by the arm and escorts me back to my room. She tosses me in my cell, locks the door, peeks through the little window on my metal door, and says, “Sweet dreams.”
Then she’s gone.
And in her wake is an echoing laugh of evil.
And all I can think about is how being alone is pressing on my chest. Squeezing the air from my lungs. My eyes instantly avert to the cot where Damien sits, but he’s not there. I hit my knees. I keep reminding myself that Damien going away is for the best. That even though it hurts I know it has to be this way. Otherwise, I’ll be stuck in Oakhill forever as a prisoner of my past.
I lie back on my cot as reality sets in and my eyes start to dry up.
Then I smell something.
I sit up and inhale deeply. It’s a charred musky scent.
Smoke.
I smell smoke.
Chapter Twenty Six
~After~
I wake up to the sound of screams. Still groggy, I stifle a look around my darkened room, wondering if I might have been the one screaming, but then it comes to me. It’s not me.
Elijah's tortured howls of pain throb in my brain.
No...