Then he moves away from Gretchen, strolling over to me before stopping and place his hand on the small of my back. “Is something wrong, Adelaide?” A spark of concern flashes in his eyes and his gaze drops to my stomach. “Are you feeling alright?”
I’m doing my best to keep myself together. I’m taking deep breaths and closing my eyes to keep the room from spinning. “I need to talk to you,” I tell him quietly.
“About?”
“I just need a minute of your time.” It infuriates me that I’m speaking to my husband like I would a professional or a colleague, but I don’t want to cause a scene in front of Gretchen.
Elijah narrows his eyes, studies me, then looks over his shoulder at Gretchen. “I’ll just be a minute.”
I flash Gretchen an icy look then follow Elijah as he guides me down hall. He opens the door to a supply closet and motions for me to step inside. I do and Elijah flicks on the light, joins me and closes the door behind him. He stares at me with intent, a flash of concern present in his eyes. His eyes drop to my stomach then find my face again. “Is everything okay with the baby?”
“Yes,” I say. “She’s been moving like crazy.” There’s a joyful tone in my voice.
Elijah shakes his head. “You don’t know that it’s a girl.” I smile wide. I know the sex of my child isn’t something I can be certain of, but I have this gut feeling that I’m having a girl.
I feel a kick and laugh. I reach out to grab Elijah’s hand. I want him to feel. More than anything I want some kind of positive reaction from him. But the second I reach for him, he pulls away from me. I frown and place both my own hands flat on my bulging belly. I laugh again when I feel another kick. “I don’t understand you,” I tell Elijah. I glare at him and point to my stomach. “I’m having your child. That is a beautiful thing and you’ve been nothing but frosty about it.”
He straightens his posture and smooths down the front of his white coat. “I have not been frosty about it.”
I roll my eyes and look away. That’s not true. At home, he steers clear of me a lot. I can count on one hand how many times he’s gone to the doctor with me. And even less than that that he’s touched my stomach. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why any man wouldn’t be interested in his unborn child.
Elijah checks his watch. He’s impatient, sighing and moving toward the door. “Is this why you came here? To try and get me to feel your stomach?”
I almost snap at that moment. “No.” My voice is low, raspy. Almost chilling. I gaze up at the white plaster ceiling and take a deep breath. “I came here to ask you why you’ve been spending more time at work than at home with me and your unborn child because I can tell you this, Elijah. I’m getting tired of it.” He looks at me shocked. “I would really appreciate it, if you’d start taking an interest in your child.” With that I brush past him, exit, and leave him standing alone in the utility closet.
~ ~ ~
Elijah is always so reserved, centered, and focused.
There have been times where I’ve wanted to ask him questions.
Questions like; do you ever have moments where you feel like your mind is screaming so loud that you’re not sure how to silence it? Or, do you ever have days where you feel like you’re falling apart and you’re not sure if you’ll be able to put yourself back together again?
I have tho
se days all the time.
I have days when my emotions are a mess, my mind is in shambles, and I go through phases where I feel unsure of how to function like a normal human being.
I could blame it on the hormones, but the thing is, I felt this way sometimes before I was pregnant.
I find one of the things I love most about my husband is that I never get an uncertain vibe from him.
He’s guarded.
But at the same time, he’s a well-built structure.
Sometimes I don’t understand how he handles me so well.
Or I guess I should say, puts up with my womanly antics. I mean I know he has a sister, but he doesn’t speak of her often or what his childhood with her was like.
When I’m having an emotional moment, I find comfort in the fact that he has such a calming effect on me. I can’t accurately explain the way it makes me feel, but I know that he doesn’t even have to speak to me. All he does is take me in his arms and run his fingers through my hair. After that, it’s like in a matter of seconds, I instantly forget about what I was fretting over.
Which is why I’m worried about our relationship now.
I am worried because I feel like we’re drifting too far apart.
We’re drifting apart during a time where we’re supposed to be more unified than ever.