If I Can't Have You

“Thanks for asking me if I wanted to go,” I say to Whit as we find a bare spot on the sand and spread out our towels.

She shakes her head, frustrated. “What else are you going to do? Stay inside for the rest of your vacation and mope?”

I shrug. “Maybe.”

Whit spreads out on her towel. “Relax. This whole thing will blow over and before you know it every one will be talking about something else.”

I hope for my sake that Whit is right.

~11~

I fell for you hard, like ice to the ground. You were like no one that I've ever found. I fell into something, something with you, but I'm sure it wasn't love because that's not what love is supposed to do.

~Author Unknown~

She’s not.

It’s been 48 hours and I’m still catching flack for my lil dance.

I wish I knew who freaking taped it and put it up on the internet. If I ever find out I’m going to strangle them.

As we walk toward the giant blazing fire I hear a few guys snicker. A couple even whistle. Don’t these people have anything better to worry about? Probably not.

People camp out around the six foot bonfire in beach chairs. I spot Sadie on the far end, phone in hand, typing away. She’s on that phone a lot. It’s like the best friend she’s never had. I wonder who she talks to all the time and I wonder why she didn’t bring whoever she’s talking to with her.

As I continue scanning the small crowd, I spot Drake. Warmth sears through me and I feel my own personal bonfire igniting inside of me. He glances at me seductively, and I swear I can see bright orange flames circling his blue irises. He bows out of the conversation he’s in the middle of and heads over to me and Whit.

He nods at me and panic spreads through me like an infection. “Oh no,” I gasp. I haven’t seen him since we kissed on the beach and I’m not sure how to act. This is going to be awkward.

Whit leans close to my ear. “Just play it cool.” She sounds so confident when she says it and she knows me, I have a tendency to screw situations like this one up. I either say the wrong thing or can’t find my vocal chords at all.

“Robin.” Drake stands across from me, his head cocked to the side, a cocky grin on his lips. His full, pink pouty lips that smothered me into oblivion just two days ago.

“Hi,” I squeak, cover my mouth then lower my voice. “Hi, Drake.” He’s wearing a white wife-beater that glows against his sun kissed skin and navy blue board shorts. My attention averts to his biceps and the way the toned muscles flex when he shoves his hands into his pockets. “So,” I say trying to break the ice. “What’s up?”

Drake sticks his tongue out the slightest bit and licks his bottom lip and a flutter

of desire courses through my veins. Traveling at a high speed. Like a shot of adrenaline to the heart. “Not much.” He inches closer and an overwhelming feeling to have his hands on me crawls on my skin. Touch me. Touch me. Touch me. Please. Inside I’m screaming for it. I’m begging for it. I’m dying for it. He extends his hand. “You wanna go for a walk?”

I give Whit a look, asking her if she cares if I go with him. She smiles and says in her finest fake, Brooklyn-like accent, “Get outta here.”

I laugh and take Drake’s hand as we wander away from the fire and away from civilization.

The ocean is quiet tonight. No crashing waves or loud rushing water. Just soft plunking as the tide crawls across the sand. I can make out the outline of seagulls as they flap their wings, nose-diving into the violet colored horizon. The stars peak through the fading clouds and look like they’ve been stenciled in the sky with glow-in-the-dark spray paint.

We’ve walked for at least a mile, hand in hand before either one of us speaks. Drake goes first. “So I heard about your little dance.” His voice is deep and husky and beautiful. A voice that I’ll never get sick of listening to. A voice that I’d like to hear whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

I blush and look at my feet. Wet sand squishes between my toes and I laugh nervously and kick some up. “Heard?” I feel his eyes on me and I lift my head, meeting his gaze.

Drake gently caresses my hand with his thumb. “Well and saw…I watched it on the internet.”

I exhale and look away. My cheeks flush and I keep my gaze low, hoping that redness will subside. “Like everyone else on the planet.”

He laughs. “I didn’t think you had that in you. You’re a little wild, kid.”

No I’m not. I’m not wild at all. It’s crazy what a little alcohol can make a person do.

“Not usually.” Then I’m plagued with curiosity. “Where were you when it was happening?” I want to tell him I searched the crowd in the video for him, but I don’t.