‘Zaliha supplied the candles and the snacks. I lit them. The fountains have been kept in good working order and only had to be switched on. I couldn’t allow any other female staff in here because they would have been very much shocked by the murals.’
Chrissie scanned the hundreds of candles and hid a smile, touched by the effort he had made on her behalf. ‘The murals may be shocking but this place is beautiful all lit up like this.’
The beginnings of the smile that had relaxed her full pink mouth filled Jaul with a craving for the softness of her, the warmth and the strength that ran like a core of inner steel through her seemingly fragile body. He had never appreciated how strong she truly was until he’d learnt what she had had to withstand at his father’s hands. His lean brown hands snapped into fists, anger stirring afresh because he had been incapable of protecting her. The guilt, which he was struggling to master, felt insurmountable.
‘I should’ve contacted you as soon as I was mobile again,’ he stated with savage regret, the hard, sculpted planes of his darkly handsome face stark with strain in the flickering light. ‘But I couldn’t face seeing you again knowing that I had lost you... It is hard for me to admit that but it is, at least, the truth of my feelings back then. Seeing you again, being in your presence when you were no longer mine, would have hurt too much.’
‘It still mattered that much to you?’ Chrissie pressed in surprise.
Jaul shot her an incredulous look. ‘I loved you. I loved you with all my heart! But I lost faith in you while I lay alone in hospital.’
Pained regret slivered through Chrissie. She was furious that his father had subjected him to that ordeal of believing that she no longer cared about him. I loved you with all my heart. It hurt Chrissie to hear that. ‘I would’ve been there with you if I’d known—’
‘I know that now...that’s what killing me!’ he bit out, swinging defensively away from her, broad shoulders bunched with tension below his thin shirt.
‘But it’s pointless wasting all this energy on a past that’s gone, done and dusted,’ she declared, tilting her chin. ‘We have to move on from it—’
‘How can I do that when my father’s lies cost us so much?’ Jaul framed emotively, turning back to her. ‘Once you were mine, completely, utterly mine and it is my dream that some day you will feel like that again. But, sensible and fair as I have tried to be, I still find myself thinking wholly unjust thoughts about the fact that—’ His hands fisted again and he turned away again. ‘No, I won’t say it...such jealousy and possessiveness are wrong!’
Chrissie was frowning. ‘What the heck are you talking about?’ she prompted uncertainly.
‘It is a topic better not discussed. What has happened has happened and we will not allow it to spoil what we do have,’ Jaul declared, still restively pacing the tiled floor.
Jealousy? Possessiveness? Abruptly she grasped his meaning and she reddened, cheeks heating fierily. ‘Are you talking about the fact that I said I was with other men while we were apart?’
His lustrous gaze narrowed. ‘It’s not something we need to discuss,’ he told her hastily. ‘You believed you were single and quite naturally...’
‘Well, maybe it would’ve been natural but I didn’t sleep with anyone else,’ Chrissie told him in a rush. ‘I said I did but it was a lie. I don’t know how you thought I could have found the time for another man when I was pregnant most of the first year you were gone and saddled with two newborns and working the second year.’
Jaul was studying her with fixed attention. ‘You...lied?’ he queried in disbelief. ‘About such an important issue?’
Chrissie winced. ‘It was a weapon and I used it. It’s the one and only lie I have told you. Obviously I assumed that you—’
Jaul stalked closer and gripped her forearms to hold her still. ‘No. No concubines, no girlfriends, no one-night stands. Nothing...zilch.’
Her eyes opened very wide in surprise. ‘But...er, why?’
‘When I finally got out of that wheelchair I decided that since I had got myself in such a mess with you it would be safer to avoid another liaison and instead get married.’