Hazardous Duty (Presidential Agent 8)

“How odd!”

“Red isn’t exactly an ordinary name, if I may say so.”

“Red Ravisher is my professional name,” she said. “My birth certificate says ‘Agrafina Bogdanovich.’ Agrafina means ‘born feet first.’ What’s your real name?”

“Pastor Jones is my real name.”

“How odd! Have you ever thought of taking a professional name? If you did, you wouldn’t be mistaken for a man of the cloth.”

“Your name sounds Russian,” Pastor said.

“I am of Russian heritage.”

“Well, let me congratulate you on your award. There aren’t very many women who have earned so many Hard-Ons as you have. How many is it that you have?”

“I have six Best Actress Hard-Ons, plus this one, which is for best film of the year. I wrote, produced, and directed Catherine and the Household Cavalry. That’s seven, altogether.”

“So tell me, who is Catherine?”

“You’re kidding, right? You don’t know who Catherine was?”

“You tell me.”

“She was Empress of Russia.”

“And she liked the cavalry, I take it.”

“She liked cavalrymen. I make adult films, not documentaries.”

“And you played Catherine?”

“No. I played one of the horses. Are you for real?”

“So tell me, Miss Bog— Bogdo—”

“Bogdanovich. Agrafina Bogdanovich.”

“Now that you’ve walked off the stage with a Hard-On—”

“Two Hard-Ons. For a total of seven. I just told you that.”

“What are your plans?”

“A little vacation. In Mexico. To get away from my fans, to tell you the truth.”

“Where in Mexico?”

“If I told you where in Mexico, then my fans would know where to find me, wouldn’t they?”

“Well, can you tell me why you’re going to this place you won’t tell me where it is?”

Red Ravisher shook her head, but answered the question.

“Two reasons. They make great borscht.”

“That’s unusual for Mexico, isn’t it?”

“Well, the resort makes it for the security staff, all of whom are Russian émigrés. They’re all ex-Spetsnaz, which is like our Special Forces, but Russian. There’s nobody better at security, except maybe our Special Forces or SEALs, than ex-Spetsnaz.”