1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C.
1020 4 February 2007
There were a half-dozen television monitors mounted on the wall of John David “Porky” Parker’s office, one for each of the major television networks, and the other three for the “major” cable news programs.
The sound of only one was on, the volume low but on.
Porky Parker was more or less addicted to watching/listening to Wolf News. Not because he liked it, but the opposite. He hated it. Wolf News gave him the most trouble. It seemed to be dedicated to the proposition that all politicians, from POTUS down, were scoundrels, mountebanks, and fools, and that it was Wolf News’s noble duty to bring every proof—or suggestion—of this to the attention of the American people.
The problem was compounded for Porky by the fact that the people of Wolf News were very good at what they did, and with great skill went after the scoundrels, mountebanks, and fools regardless of political affiliation.
Wolf News used the fourth and final part of Gioacchino Antonio Rossini’s (1792-1868) “William Tell Overture” to catch people’s attention whenever
there was “breaking news.” Most people recognized the music as the theme for the Lone Ranger motion picture and television series.
That was happening now, and when Porky faintly heard the stirring music, he reached for the remote control as a Pavlovian reaction and raised his eyes to the screen. He had the sound turned up in time to see and hear the Wolf News anchor-on-duty proclaim, “There is breaking news! Wolf News is on top of it! Back in sixty seconds ...”
There then followed a sixty-second commercial offering The Wall Street Journal delivered to one’s home for only pennies a day.
Then the screen showed what looked like the scene of a major traffic accident. There were at least thirty police cars, all with their red and blue lights flashing. It had been taken from a helicopter. At the upper right corner of the screen, a message unnecessarily flashed, LIVE! LIVE! FROM A WOLF NEWS CHOPPER!
Porky was a second from muting the sound when the voice of the on-duty Wolf News anchor announced, “What we’re looking at, from a Wolf News chopper, is the main gate of Fort Detrick, Maryland. We don’t know, yet, what exactly is going on here. But we do know that the post has been closed down, nobody gets in or out, and that the director of the Central Intelligence Agency just choppered in and a ‘senior official’ of the Department of Homeland Security not yet identified just arrived in a vehicle with a screaming siren ...”
In another Pavlovian reflex, Porky reached for his White House telephone and told the operator to get him the commanding general of Fort Detrick on a secure line.
“Colonel Russell.”
“This is the White House switchboard. This line is secure. Mr. Parker wishes to speak with the commanding general.”
“This is the garrison commander.”
“Mr. Parker wishes to speak with the commanding general.”
“We don’t have a commanding general. I’m the senior officer, the garrison commander.”
“One moment please.”
“Colonel, this is John Parker, the President’s press secretary.”
“This is Colonel Florence Russell. What can I do for you, Mr. Parker?”
“What’s going on down there?”
The garrison commander for a moment considered correcting the pompous political lackey with “What’s going on up here, Porky. Fort Detrick is damn near due north of D.C. ...” but instead said, “We have a Potential Level Four biological hazard disaster, Mr. Parker.”
“What does that mean, exactly?
“The operative word is ‘potential.’ We may have, repeat may have, a biological hazard disaster, Level Four. The most serious kind.”
“What happened?”
“All I can tell you, Mr. Parker, is that our chief scientific officer, Colonel J. Porter Hamilton, has declared a Potential Level Four biological hazard disaster, and we have taken the necessary actions to deal with that.”
“Colonel Russell, I repeat: What does that mean?”
“Per SOP, we have shut down the post, alerted the hospital, and notified the proper authorities. Until we hear from Colonel Hamilton, that’s all we can do.”