All the Little Secrets (English Prep 2)

No.

I willed my eyes to stop filling with moisture as he poured some of the dust onto the vanity top. With his back still toward me, I watched as he bent down over the substance.

No. Stop.

I could feel my heart shattering in my chest. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Jason wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t part of the plan. He should have been in college, getting stellar grades and hanging out with the popular crowd. Instead, he was stuck in a disgusting trailer on the wrong side of town, snorting drugs up his nose while his little sister was crouched in a bathtub, watching from afar, contemplating her recent decisions.

I really had no choice as of late. Ollie was involved. Tank knew me and Ollie both, and if we backed out, not only was Jason going to get the brunt of it, but so were we.

I clenched my eyes shut as he bent forward to snort the powder. I felt hollow. But the longer I sat in that bathroom, the quicker anger replaced sadness. He had promised me. He had promised he was done. Why did I always believe him? He continued to prove me wrong, and each time, the disappointment swallowed me entirely.

I hurt. It hurt.

I rubbed at my chest and pushed away any ounce of sadness I had. I hastily stood up and pushed the shower curtain out of my way, the rings on top screeching on the bar above my head.

Jason’s head flew toward mine, his nose a mere millimeter away from the white power.

“What the fuck!”

I was too angry to say anything. I just stood, standing in the disgusting tub, my hand still on the mildewing shower curtain.

Jason’s mouth dropped. “Piper? What the hell are you doing in here?”

I barely recognized my own voice. “I snuck in here to come see if you were okay, to tell you that everything was going to be fine and that I was figuring out a way to pay off Tank, but look at you!” My voice rose toward the end of my sentence, and I shot my eyes to the bathroom door. I hurriedly stepped out of the tub and ran the few feet over to the door and locked it. Music was still blaring throughout the trailer, so I felt confident that no one heard me yell. “You’re in here using? At a party? Having a grand ol’ time?”

My brother stuttered, “I…I…”

“You what?” My phone buzzed, and I glanced down.

Ollie: Almost there. Hayley is with me. She knows where Tank lives. Tell me how to get you out.

My stomach fell out from beneath me. A hot coat of embarrassment and shame covered my body, but I shook it off. I didn’t have time to worry about who knew about Jason and my life. I needed to get the hell out of this trailer before someone other than Jason found me.

Me: I’m in the bathroom on the back side of the trailer. The window is jammed. Try to stick something under to pry it open.

I looked back at Jason, ignoring the texts I had from my parents who were demanding I come home since they were here for one night and one night only. I dropped my head, trying to push my guilt away. It was almost suffocating. “Jason, I’m done.” My voice trembled, breaking with every word. “After the money is paid back, and I get my boy—" I paused, clearing my throat. “I mean…my friend. After I get my friend out of this stupid mess I drug him into to save your ass, I’m done. I can’t keep doing this.” Jason stood in the same spot, his lips sealed shut. “I can’t keep saving you if you won’t even save yourself.”

His bloodshot eyes had my own eyes watering, but I knew I needed to keep my shit together. Otherwise, he’d use it against me. Jason might have been drunk, or maybe even high, but he was smart—one of the smartest in his class, actually. And if he knew I was hurting, he would turn it around and use it to his advantage. He’d done it before, and he’d do it again if I gave him a chance.

“You sound like Dad.”

It felt like he took a knife and carved an X on my forehead. He felt betrayed by me. Telling me I sounded like our father was brutal, because we both held resentment when it came to our parents.

“Jason—” I jumped as a loud bang sounded on the bathroom door. Flesh pounding against the wooden door had my heart climbing to my throat and staying there.

“Fuck.” Jason scrambled to grab the little plastic baggy, scooping the unused powder back into it.

Someone yelled from the other side of the door. “Jason, get your pussy bitch out here and make us some fuckin’ food. You might be a cool guy, but you’re still my bitch...until your hot-as-fuck sister pays back that money.”

Our eyes met, and I knew instantly that the drugs he’d just unscrewed from an empty shampoo bottle weren’t really his for the taking. The questions were nonstop. Did he steal them and hide them? Surely, Tank wouldn’t have let Jason in here alone when he knew there were drugs in here. What drug addict could be trusted being alone in a room with drugs?

“I’m coming, bro!” he yelled back through the door. He quickly put the baggy back into the empty shampoo bottle and placed it underneath the sink.

My phone vibrated a few times as I continued to watch Jason move with agility. I ground my teeth back and forth, trying to will away the tears. I barely recognized my brother standing in front of me.

I’d never felt so alone in my entire life.

“You need help,” I whispered as he stood back up.