But I did have mixed feelings about it.
Derek could sense that something was off, which was probably why he was so touchy-feely for the remainder of the evening. He had touched me in subtle, gentle ways, and I had instantly panicked and pulled back. When he rode back with me in his town car to drop me off at home, he glanced over at me with those steely eyes and asked, “Did you think about what I said? Are you backing out? Is that why you’re being so distant?”
I tried to laugh. “Distant? As opposed to what? We’ve never been super affectionate, Derek.”
He shook his head and looked away, flexing that jaw. He messed with the bow tie around his neck, loosing it ever so slightly. “I was trying to rectify that tonight, but you’ve been very standoffish. Jumping when I’d brush a finger along your skin, running off to the bathroom to avoid me, and willingly putting yourself in a conversation so you could pretend you were busy. I asked you to think it over, and if you’re backing out, then so be it. I just need to know… now. Before we get too invested in this.”
I gulped and looked out the car window, gazing at the house I grew up in. For a slight second, Emmett’s head popped in my brain—his smug grin, the small dimple that popped out at the most unexpected times. The way it felt to have his hands on my body, his mouth on mine. The pleasure he’d driven into my body. It drove me mad. I felt wild. Out of control. I wasn’t sure where I started and he ended. And that terrified me, which was exactly why I turned my head back to Derek and said, “I’m not backing out.”
Then, I leaned over and gently placed a kiss on his cheek. I didn’t look at him afterward. I was too lost in my own thoughts, so I got out of the car, walked myself to my door, and disappeared inside.
So, we left things unfinished in a way. I hadn’t heard from him since, burying myself with tasks my mother asked me to do for the club. I tried to do everything I could to avoid thinking about Emmett and that godforsaken bucket list that I half-wanted to burn and half-wanted to keep… just in case. Then I saw Derek’s car pull up at the house, and before I knew what I was doing, I was jumping off my couch, snagging my purse along the way, and flying to my car.
I panicked.
For what reason?
I had no idea. I just knew I didn’t want to talk about the future or act like everything was all fine and dandy when I knew it wasn’t.
So, there I was… in Oak Hill. I hadn’t even remembered driving there. One second I was avoiding all thoughts of Emmett and escaping a run-in with my future fiancé, and the next, I was surrounded by corn fields and mooing cows. My mouth gaped open, wondering how in the hell I’d managed to drive fifty minutes without even remembering doing it. I felt like I’d left my body, floated off into the universe, and then landed in Oak Hill.
I knew what that meant.
I knew it meant that I was totally and irreversibly becoming attached to someone that I really didn’t know all that well.
I’d run from my house in a desperate attempt to escape my almost-fiancé and ended up in the one place that I was trying to avoid all together.
My mind was made up at that point.
There were no taksies backsies. I could have fun with Emmett (AS FRIENDS) until I no longer could.
Might as well live now, right?
That was how I found myself sitting with Emmett in Dawson’s house, watching Supernatural.
Emmett’s hand slapped onto my leg as Dawson looked over at Ivy and very coyly said, “I know you think Supernatural is addicting, but I know something else that’s even better.” Then he wiggled his eyebrows up and down.
Ivy smacked him on the chest. “You’re probably making Fallon feel so uncomfortable right now.”
I wanted to scream, No, what’s making me uncomfortable is the way my heart just flew out of my chest because Emm
ett’s hand landed on my thigh! If he just inched over a few centimeters to the left, I’d probably just melt all together.
Emmett ignited something in me the other night. I couldn’t even think about him without blushing.
Another reason why he and I couldn’t be anything but friends.
The little voice in the back of my head whispered, Yeah right.
I wiggled in my seat and laughed off Ivy and Dawson, all while pushing away the annoying voice that wouldn’t get out of my brain. I went to sit up again, mainly to get away from Emmett’s hand, because I was starting to sweat.
“You guys can stay and watch some more episodes, if you want. You don’t have to leave,” Dawson said, eyes darting to Emmett’s hand on my leg. My cheeks heated.
Be cool, Fallon.
I stuttered, “Oh, no. You guys are going to bed. I should head back. It’s late.”
He shrugged. “Okay, but don’t feel like you have to leave because we’re going to bed. We’ll probably be up for hours anyway.”